Dream a little dream

Sunday night, ESPN revealed its own version of "American Idol" in the form of a competition to be the next "SportsCenter" anchor. After advertising it for what seemed like every single commercial, the show "Dream Job" aired, as 12 hopeful contestants tried out for their life-long dream job.\nPersonally, reading highlights off a teleprompter and creating original yet obnoxoius phrases seems less then a dream job -- even for SportsCenter -- which got me thinking about some of my own dream jobs involving sports in some way.\nI'd like to first point out that my first and most obvious dream job would be an NBA player. But since my skills limit me to a solid intramural player, the high life of basketball, money and getting girls, or in some cases, having them come as room service, is just a bit out of my league.\nBut what about playing second base for this year's New York Yankees? Hitting a cool .150 and watching Jeter and A-Rod field the ball seems like a dream job to me. Heck, I'll even play the always-important softball position of short center field -- or in other words you suck at outfield and infield, so stand somewhere in-between. \nIf not that job, then, well, even with that job, I wonder if I could somehow get the body painting job for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models. Now ladies, before you scream "pig," okay, scream "pig," but realize in fifth grade I won first place for staying in the lines while painting. And these lines are curved!\nAll I'm asking for is a dry run. \nBut, ladies before you stop screaming "pig," I got one more you'll love.\nAt halftime during the Super Bowl -- no, this has nothing to do with J.J. -- Pay-Per-View aired a lingerie bowl in which teams of four, five or however many models, competed in a tackle football game sporting nothin' but the obvious.\nYou think I'm nuts?\nA four-team league is actually forming beginning next year, and all I want to know is if the equipment manager spot is still available. Velcro, hook -- not a problem. \nAnd neither has it been a problem for football players at Colorado. If I were a high school recruit, I think I would at least pique interest in Colorado. If for nothing else than just for a visit. A campus tour and getting to know the dancers -- I mean staff -- would be an interesting experience. It sure would beat the calendar, map and newspaper I received on my visit here. \nBut at last, I saved my ultimate dream job for the end. As much as I don't believe NASCAR is a sport -- seriously, driving around in circles making continual left hand turns is not a sport. Anyway, I would still love to ride shotgun in a race. Think about it. Driving 190 miles an hour, avoiding crashes, sitting in on a pit stop, all while sipping on a Big Gulp with your feet on the dash board is my ultimate dream job. \n"Uh, Dale, can you unlock my window? It's a little toasty in here"