When clothes launch an attack

We have all done it. It is one of the hardest tasks on the face the earth: shopping. You can be in the best of moods, and by the time you finish your shopping expedition you feel like you have been put through the ringer. I have been there so many times. I love to shop, but more times than not I begin to ask myself, why? I can't wear Baby Phat because Kimora Lee is crazy and her clothes only go up to about size 6, and Express jeans flatten my butt and make it look weird. To sum it up: the clothes attack me. \nClothing attacks are very common. You walk into a store with your heart set on a particular item of clothing. You try it on and, at the expense of your self-confidence, it doesn't fit. You spend about five minutes flapping your arms up and down, trying to find a way to make it work. Sadly, it doesn't work. Just when it sinks in, the sales girl knocks on the fitting room door, and says, "Is everything okay?" That is when something snaps. You yell, "NO!" and slap her across the face with the offending articles of clothing. \nThen you go ape and scream, "Your clothes attacked me! I'm suing!" That is the worst-case scenario, but scenes in a dressing room can be depressing. \nEveryone has problems with clothes. I have experienced the "ride up" more than once. The ride up is when your skirt "rides up" and becomes shorter throughout the day. Polyester attacks my feminine fat, and makes me want to run and hide. \nThin girls have their own dilemmas. The pants that are supposed to be fitted but aren't or have the "saggy butt look." I think everybody knows about the saggy butt look. \nIf you have bigger breasts, finding a shirt is tough; finding a bra is worse. Girls with bigger bottoms might have a hard time keeping their underwear from showing. Petite girls have to get everything hemmed. All women have had the dreaded thong-wedgies. Some men have to buy pants bigger in the waist to fit their rears. \nWe all have fashion woes, but there are ways to combat these attacks. \nWomen with bigger thighs and hips, I am with you. Be honest. Look in the mirror and say, "I can't wear everything." Accept it and move on. There are stores out there for you and Express is not one of them. Express clothes are not cut for curvy women. On the other hand, Lerner and the Limited are a saving grace. The clothing is cut bigger in the thighs and in the butt, making them look and feel more comfortable. Also, wide leg jeans should be in your closet from now on. These are for us, along with stretch denim and A-line skirts. Whatever you do, stay away from trends. \nPetite girls and bigger men, find a good tailor. Or shop at a store with clothing geared toward your body type. Joseph Abboud is a great designer who cuts his clothing for more muscular men. They can be expensive, but a nice suit and pants is worth more than gold. \nPetite girls -- don't make the mistake of walking on your pants. Walking on your pants ruins them and by the time you want to get them hemmed you can't. And for heaven's sake, stay away from capris! Dry cleaners and some of the fashion design students are more than willing to hem pants for a price. If you have a boyish figure and want to manipulate curves, wear shirts with ruffles and skin tight pants. If you have the spare tire, when your waist is bigger than your butt and hangs over your pants, don't wear midriff shirts. Girls with bigger assets and curves forget Victoria's Secret and go Fredrick's of Hollywood. La Redoute, a French clothing company is great for curvy figures. \nDon't accept defeat in the attack of the clothes! Work with your body, not around it. My best friend from Russia would say, "In Russia we don't care about trends, we wear what looks good on our figures." \nWe should all have this attitude. Don't be ashamed of your feminine fat; instead, use it to your advantage.