California's Judgment Day

Today the nation waits on pins and needles as the results of the California recall are tabulated and released. This event, this ecstacy of the democratic process, this coming together of the greatest civic minds our country has to offer, will shape the way we understand government forever.\nIt is not normally the policy of this newspaper to promote particular candidates, but here we must make an exception. \nThe IDS wholeheartedly supports the election of Arnold Schwarzenegger as the new governor of California. Despite his obvious fund-raising expertise and charismatic political prowess, Arnold brings with him an arsenal of skills that no other candidate can even imagine boasting.\nWith our ever-watchful state of national security cringing at every mention of terrorist and possible attack from above, Arnold comes prepared. After all, this is a man who was capable of warding off an invasion of invisible super-hunting Predators from beyond the stars. To him, dealing with terrorists -- that don't possess natural infrared sensory perception -- will be a cake walk.\nFor California's ever-growing environmental crises, Arnold can assuredly defeat global warming. He possesses the technological capabilities to bring about climate cooling on a global scale. So long as the Los Angeles Police Department can ward off the interference of certain nocturnal philanthropist vigilantes, Arnold can turn the greenhouse crises into an icehouse party.\nEducation also tops Arnold's list. Mr. Schwarzenegger knows that the bulk of a child's educational growth occurs in kindergarten when they are at their youngest and most impressionable. He has first-hand experience dealing with children in a classroom setting and can promote legislation that goes beyond pandering to the bureaucrats in California's school district's administrative positions. His progressive initiatives will help children better appreciate the value of a dollar and the working class's struggle with his new awareness program entitled: "Who is your daddy, and what does he do?"\nElecting Arnold into office will do more than just aid California in its struggle to end its political quandaries. His example can hopefully inspire such change into all facets of our life.\nFor instance, here at IU, though we dearly love our newly-appointed President Adam Herbert, perhaps we too should launch a citizen's recall. There is nothing more important on this campus than the citizens' ability to freeze all progress being made within the University's walls and sing the praises of direct representative democracy. For these walls will come tumblin' tumblin', tumblin' crumblin' down in the hands of the people.\nThis mass, clearly able to promote deep thinking as we would be many minds working as one, have chosen our beloved John Mellencamp, whose tickets can surely aid in fund raising and thought-provoking lyrics could save us students from the many stresses of college life.\nAfter all, it could happen. The Cubs are finally winning, aren't they? Watch the skies, 'cause brimstone isn't covered by your auto insurance.