To grandmother's house I go

While most of you were spending the last weeks of your summer moving, finishing jobs and/or internships or simply savoring your final days of freedom poolside with cocktail in hand, I was hanging out with my grandmother.\nHaving finished editing the Weekend in early August, I was left with little to do. I'd already blown quite a bit of cash checking out shows by Blur and the Flaming Lips and traveling to Myrtle Beach with three friends in a haze of beer, blunts and barbeque -- everything that was of the utmost importance had been done. What harm would it do to go see my Granny in sunny Florida? \nI love my grandmother dearly; she's a good woman, someone who's always helped and taken care of me. Since my grandfather passed away a few years back, she gets lonely at times … it's only natural. As a decent grandson, it's my responsibility to go and see her and keep her company -- but little did I know of the repercussions.\nMy grandmother is 82 years old -- anyone of that age is pretty well set in his or her ways. She figures if the way she's gone about her daily routine has afforded her 82 years, it not only must work, but should be embraced by everyone else -- especially me. \nI was force-fed multiple servings of crappy Lactaid milk daily -- I'm not lactose intolerant. I was told which stories I had to read in the morning paper and when to read them. One morning, I happened to be reading and enjoying an article concerning the economic principles surrounding the DVD industry, Granny happened upon me doing so and called me a "fluffer." \nWe went golfing one afternoon. I played brilliantly on the first hole but poorer with each subsequent hole. Much of this might have been spurred by her uninvited tutorials mid-backswing. In spite of this, I shouldn't have sworn and thrown a borrowed golf club in front of her. Charming behavior such as this has finalized my front row center seats in the third ring of Hell. \nOften, we went out to dinner. Occasionally, I'd have a Bud Light or two with the meal. In doing so, she judged me unable to drive. She insisted we go see a play; I prefer movies. She forced the issue and asked why it was I didn't want to go. By that point, I was frustrated and looking for a reaction … any reaction, so I made a tongue-in-cheek comment, said in hopes that her hearing aids weren't in/ She heard but definitely didn't get it. She told me I was uncultured and if other adults had heard me they'd think I was just a stupid kid.\nEventually I won out; we took in no plays. Instead, we saw "Open Range" (I liked it, Grandma fell asleep) and "Bruce Almighty" (she cried by movie's end, said she liked the "black fella," i.e. Morgan Freeman, and said that both the movie and Jim Carrey were stupid). \nNights were lonely. She, being a grandmother, went to bed early. Instead, I sat alone in my bedroom watching television. Luckily, there was a bunch of good stuff on. VH1 played "I Love the '70s" incessantly, as they're prone to do (Michael Ian Black is a god!). Turner Classic Movies had an utterly badass Steve McQueen movie marathon one night (Might I recommend "The Magnificent Seven" or "The Cincinnati Kid?" Sadly, I missed "The Great Escape" and "The Thomas Crown Affair" -- both good flicks, though.). I found a new guilty pleasure to fill the long since departed "Dawson's Creek" void via Fox's "The O.C." Man, I'm a wuss. \nAnd saving the best for last, I tuned into TBS's masterpiece, "Red Water," starring such has-beens as Lou Diamond Phillips and Coolio. You haven't lived until you've seen a wacky-haired rapper take a "Fantastic Voyage" through a river-based shark's digestive track.\nIt'd been a long week. The last day I was there, she and I washed dishes, talked and listened to Neil Diamond's greatest hits -- who knew we'd both have such an affinity for the Jewish Elvis. Turns out we both dig Sinatra and a bunch of other stuff too. So, despite our differences in age, gender and just about everything else, we found a common ground. Grandparents are here to be appreciated and learned from. I suggest calling your grandmother, grandfather -- hell, even your great-aunt -- immediately. Let them annoy you and you'll be all the better for it.