Chapter 52: The last week

This story is about a few IU undergrads and their troubles during dead week. Dead week is just like any other week, except everybody seems to think it is dead. Perhaps it received its title from the lack of motivation many students have toward the end of the year. This lack of motivation was easily found in the lounge on the men's academic floor in Forest Quad.\n"Man, I've got so much studying to do," said Andrew, a scrawny, bespectacled boy.\nAndrew is more at home playing computer games than doing anything requiring actual work. His pale complexion is a testament to this fact.\n"Me too bro, me too," Keith said.\nKeith is what some would call a jock. Donning the latest in IU athletic apparel, he sat quietly and stared, as if contemplating something more profound than any human could ever imagine. His was a look of half anxiety, half uncertainty. Although they wanted to, nobody in the room mentioned how ridiculous Keith's studying would be considering the hardest class he had ever taken was a bowling course at the Union.\nEnter the R.A., Chris Wessellman.\nChris is something of a hero to those on his floor. Rumor has it, during his freshman year he managed to write a three-page introduction to a history paper without using proper nouns. The paper, titled "The Life, Events, and History of a Man," didn't even have a definite topic until the middle of the fourth page. For his effort he received an A as well as long-lasting praise from his fellow residents.\n"How do you guys plan to study?" asked Chris, in an all-knowing tone.\nGrumbles came from the lounge and a few guys walked out. Chris had obviously brought up a bad subject.\n"You seem to know everything about studying, Chris, tell us your secrets" Andrew said.\nSilence fell over the room. When Chris had drawn his breath to speak, attention was given as if Jesus himself had returned. This could be it; Chris might know the secret to studying for finals. He had to know something; after all, this is the guy who got an A on a paper without a discernable thesis statement.\nChris' study habits seemed to rely on a lot of previous note-taking and book-reading. These ideas were unheard of to a beleaguered Keith, who had just regretted selling his books back to buy a new pair of sneakers the day before.\nMore and more left the room. Most were disappointed, but they knew Chris was right.\nChris also stressed the importance of studying with minimal distraction. This was news to Andrew, who had previously assumed that EverQuest was a perfectly acceptable disruption while studying.\n"So, do you guys understand there are no substitutes for good studying?" Chris asked.\n Andrew and Keith, the only remaining listeners, looked at each other. They were both a bit disappointed. Throughout the year Chris had been elevated to near god-like state due to his ability to accomplish so much by doing so little. The two had expected some sort of smoke and mirrors approach. They had assumed that Chris' studying method would break at least one code of student conduct ... but it didn't.\n The three left the lounge, destined for what seemed like a week's worth of cramming.\nAndrew, who knew he should be studying, sauntered back to his room for a marathon gaming session in the land of Norrath.\n"Hey Keith, I'm going to the library to study, you can come with me if you want," Chris said.\nKeith stood perplexed for a minute and tried to remember how he would study basketball in the library and then responded.\n"I'm starving. I'm going to go hustle some freshman out of his meal points at Hoosier Café. I hear they're serving chicken"