Mom and Pop politics

Confucianism contends the role between government and its subjects is like that between a parent and child. Two millennia later, this idea is still found among countries around the world.\nGood leaders see their subjects as troublesome, yet adorable tykes that keep on accidentally falling down the well, and thus try to take special care of them.\nEspecially when their supply of Bamba is endangered.\nIsraeli authorities have declared Bamba, a snack food popular among children, a vital staple food, which ensures its production in case of a missile attack or similar disasters. The peanut-buttery puffs join milk, sugar, flour and bread as the essential food sources to ensure Israeli survival.\n"We see the Bamba factory as vital, just like a bakery," Labor Ministry spokesman Nahum Eido said.\nUnfortunately, children are sometimes bad and the parent must take away certain privileges like Bamba.\nAbout three weeks ago, this happened to Gambian leader Yahya Jammeh and he had to ground the young people of his nation from playing soccer, according to an African news Web site.\n"Youths in rural areas should not involve themselves with football in the coming rainy season," Jammeh said. "Failure to do so and I will send them to jail. I mean it." \nJammeh then stamped his foot on the ground to show just how much he meant it. \nTurkmenistan's President Saparmurat Niyazov also meant it when he said in 1992 that every Turkmen family would own a house and a car within a decade. In keeping with this promise he recently bought his top officials brand new Mercedes-Benzes.\n"What's more, every year I'll buy you a new one," Nicazov said. "We have the right to have something to be proud off."\nGood parenting like this makes me want to cry.\nNorth Korean officials are on the verge of crying because their children are becoming unduly influenced by shows imported by South Korea. And there is plenty of evidence. A document pertaining to the situation said, "Women are using very strange make-up, putting foreign-style make-up on their lips and eyelashes." That has got to be stopped.\nParenting is not just about punishment though. It's also about becoming a grandparent. Countries need their children to reproduce so they can spoil the next generation of subjects. When people aren't having enough unprotected sex, the government has a Hobbesian right to be concerned.\nSingapore Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong announced two years ago that making babies had become a national priority. In a country where the birth rate is declining, tax rebates are now available through a "Baby Bonus Scheme." Unlike President Bush, who wants to give tax cuts to the rich, Singapore wishes to reduce the taxes of the horny.\nThe people of Singapore need the incentive. Condom manufacturer Durex listed Singapore as the least sexually active nation in the world. It's like my mother says, "You can take your kids to the trough, but you can't make them have sex."\nHowever, if Prime Minister Tong decides to fill the trough with Lily-of-the-Valley, the chances of a pregnancy may be increased. This is because scientists recently discovered the flowery scent causes sperm to double their speed, or in the words of a famous imaginary bird, "to go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."\nFor the good of the children, the government of Singapore should invest in Lily-of-the Valley. Confucius would concur.