Can you find the spunk?

That Jessica Lynch sure is spunky.\nAmerica has fallen in love with "Jessie," a strong-willed, small town girl from West Virginia who fought off those villainous Iraqis until she ran out of ammunition. The cute, blonde young woman wearing loose-fitting army fatigues was "fighting to the death."\n"Talk about spunk!" Senator Pat Roberts of Kansas said.\nA brave and macho elite American force rippling with muscles then saved the spunky "damsel in distress" in a daring and televised nighttime rescue off a tip from an Iraqi "patriot."\nPFC. Lynch, bruised and battered, but still cute, was then sent to Germany for medical attention.\nYup, that Jessie sure is spunky.\nCan you find what was wrong in the first few paragraphs of this column? And no, it's not that Pat Roberts is really a drug-dealing pimp from Kalamazoo.\nThe correct answer is found in how Lynch has been described, both in this column and the media in general.\nI'm sure Rambo would've ripped the heart out of anybody who'd dare call him spunky. I've never heard anyone ever refer to Mike Tyson's spunk. In fact, the only people who are ever called spunky are women and toddlers who refuse to eat their peas.\nIf Jessica Lynch were a man, Samuel Jackson would be calling her a bad mother . . . right about now. \nIf Jessica Lynch were a man, guys in bars all over America would be toasting to that son of a . . . who fought like a voracious beast.\nBut Jessica Lynch is not a man. Instead, we get this spunky girl in the vein of Punky Brewster.\nU.S. News and World Report thought it would make a great movie, "The story is a microcosm of the conflict, with box office written all over it: spunky country girl, courageous Iraqi patriot, daring rescuers, happy ending."\nAnd the movie shall be called: "Spunk Girl."\nSpunk is defined as either spirit or pluck. Pluck being reserved for those dapper English fellows and spirit belonging to the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. But, there is also a vulgar slang version of spunk according to dictionary.com. Needless to say, I don't think Lynch would enjoy being compared to something that can only be produced by male reproductive organs.\nHappily, Lynch is being referred to as a hero more than simply spunky. A Google search found that Jessica Lynch was associated with the word hero 1,791 times more than spunk. It also found that she was associated with the phrase "bad mother . . ." a grand total of zero times. How unfortunate.\nThe Web site, www.womenandguns.com, agrees with me saying, "A lot of Iraqi soldiers got to meet their maker courtesy of PFC. Lynch. That's not spunk, that's courage."\nThis is shocking … I know. Who would have ever thought that www.womenandguns.com and I would have something in common?\nLynch survived against tremendous odds. I guarantee that I would have died if I were in her position. But not before pissing my pants. She, however, was brave, courageous, daring, macho and yes, rippling with muscles.\nFifty years ago it would have been unheard of for a woman to accomplish the sort of things Lynch has. She has completely disproved the antiquated idea that women can't handle themselves on the battlefield. That is not something I would call spunky. Revolutionary would be a better word.