Augusta gets shafted

County Sheriff Ronnie Strength put a half-mile of Georgia grassland between William "Hootie" Johnson with his team of self-righteous, chauvinistic, CEO golf buddies and Martha Burk with her team of self-righteous, elitist protesters. Thus began The Masters golf tournament in all its tainted glory.\nHootie, in defending his right to have a men-only golf club, has been vilified as an evil doer in the eyes of Burk. Adding to his problems (besides being named Hootie), the only people that have publicly come to his defense are scattered members of the KKK. \nIn an April 12 Houston Chronicle article, one man came to the feminist theme park outside Augusta as a "One Man Klan Group." The "Klan Man" said the Klan was often misunderstood, and said he was there to support Hootie's bias.\nThe "Klan Man" said his favorite golfer in the tournament was Tiger Woods.\nBurk, on the other hand, has been criticized not for her activism, but her choice of targets. Sidestepping female issues like breast cancer, AIDS, job discrimination, spousal abuse, pay discrepancies, etc., Burk decided to campaign against a certain private club. Even if the club embraced gender equality, 98 percent of women couldn't afford to join it anyway.\nSo what happens if she finally breaks Hootie's back and he lets women into the club? Who would be the first female member? Burk doesn't play golf.\nHow about J-Lo? She's rich enough to front the tab -- wait, she has been protested against for participating in the sexual objectification of women. …\nWhat makes all of this even more entertaining is that Hootie, as a leader of Augusta National, led the push for membership for African-Americans and other minorities.\nI wonder though, what would happen if Hootie were ever to find out that one of his CEO golf buddies were not actually a man? Are transgendered people, depending on the sex they became, out of the loop when it comes to upper-crust golf? Take RuPaul, a famous cross-dresser and the artist responsible for ultimate runway model theme song ("You better work, bitch!). Would RuPaul be excluded from Augusta while dressed as a woman? Or better yet, would he be kicked out as a man if Hootie found out about his day job?\nOn the other side of the sanitary napkin, would RuPaul be excluded from protesting Augusta with Burk and her army since he's not really a woman? In Georgia, can a man really be a feminist?\nWill men ever gain admittance to a Ladies Only workout club?\nNot since Michael Jordan gambled on golf has the sport been so popular, and not since the days of "Real Sex" on HBO have gender roles been so confusing. You can go into any public place and ask people what shoe company Tiger Woods endorses and people will sing the praises of Nike. Ask then what Tiger's real name is, and people will draw a blank. A slice, if you will, in golf terms.\nAnd just because they're the same color does not mean Vijay Singh is related to Tiger Woods.\nBut the color of golfer is not the issue here. The color of money is what is floating around in Hootie's and Burk's eyes. Rich golfers in green jackets with lots of greenbacks are making Martha Burk green with envy.\nWhat I don't understand is why Burk wants to play with the rich old guys in the first place. If these men are willing to spend thousands to play a boring sport in a club where there are no cute chicks around, why bother? If they're paying to play with themselves . . .