Let the madness commence

I'm in a state of ecstasy. I feel as if my arms are spread and Leonardo DiCaprio's clenching me tightly at the bow of the Titanic. And it's all because March Madness has finally arrived! It's the most wonderful time of the year. Everyone joins in on the bracket-filling festivities, from the gambling novice all the way up to Pete Rose. I'm literally shaking. Go ahead, feel my arm.\nI'm here today to pop open my vault and unveil my secrets to winning the pool. Why would I willingly divulge this information? Well, despite how half of our team seemingly lives at the bars, I wasn't deterred from betting on them. And my bank account proceeded to last about as long as a Texas convict. So now that I can't afford an entry fee, I'm hoping to live vicariously through you. \nAnd don't subscribe to all this talk about IU being on the bubble; they're in. It's almost as safe a bet as betting right now, somewhere, Luke Recker is shaving his legs. How am I so certain? Well, allow me to pose this question as Tom Cruise did in "Vanilla Sky": What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions? ... Money. The cream and crimson equates to occupied seats and cash registers ringing in the ears of the NCAA. So be at ease Hoosiers and without further adieu, here are my tips for picking the brackets: \nFirst, examine where the games are played. If the location is close to one of the schools, ride that team like you were a groupie. There's no bigger advantage in college basketball than home court. Just ask the Southern Illinois Salukis and Texas Longhorns how they made it to the Sweet 16 last year.\nLook at each game objectively and throw any predispositions for your favorite teams out the window. Understand there was a significant amount of luck at play during the Hoosiers' latest trek to the title game (which reminds me of the most underrated coaching tactic of last season's tournament run: Mike Davis' decision to shrink Jared Jeffries and carry him around after each game for precautionary reasons. You may also remember this "Baby Jeffries" sitting on Davis' lap at all the press conferences. Wait, what did you say? That was Davis' son?). \nDedicate most of your research to picking the national champion correctly -- there are too many points at stake in this round. And unless a complete fluke like Purdue ends up cutting down the nets, people in your pool will be gobbling up these points. (Hey, speaking of the Boilers, did Brian Cardinal graduate yet? Or is he now in the 18th year of his eligibility?)\nIgnore how teams were playing at the beginning of the season. The tournament committee salivates over ball clubs currently on a roll and you should too (insert your favorite IU basketball joke here). \nPick the schools that have risen up for big games this season (a low RPI can be a good indicator). Exhibiting heart and courage in the face of adversity is a prerequisite for a pass to the Final Four. So if France fields a team, look elsewhere. \nA rule of thumb for upsets (lower seeds that advance) by round: first round -- seven or eight; second round -- four or five; third round -- two or three; fourth round -- one. \nOverall, be realistic, but go with your gut. There's nothing worse than having to utter the words, "I had them! But then I erased it! Oh dear God, why me?! Why me?!" Now if I can be excused, I'm off to join Georgia's basketball team. It's time I start making some serious money.