Give me a break

Spring break has lowered me into a financial position worse than the airline I flew on. It all could've been avoided if my credit card didn't give me the green light, citing its reason as: "We don't want you to miss out." Nice people. But was it worth it? Do we really need a vacation from getting up at 10 a.m. and watching BET all day? Would that money have been better served to fuel our Internet shopping addictions? Let's examine the pros and cons of going on spring break to find out:\nPro: Traveling to a foreign land and witnessing another culture can be extremely educational. Before I vacationed in Jamaica, I had never met a cab driver that dealt mushrooms, eight balls and pineapples out of his trunk. \nCon: When we skip town, we miss out on what's going on back home. Sure, the nine banana trees I consumed in daiquiri form kept a grin on my face all week, but missing an episode of "American Dreams" was eating me up inside. (Did Helen continue to resist an affair with Professor Witt? How's Meg dealing with her feelings for Luke? Oh man, why did I get on that plane? Why? Why!?)\nPro: Seeing guys awkwardly rub suntan lotion on each other's backs is a wonderful source of comedy. Isn't it about time for the inaugural "Boys Gone Wild" video?\nCon: Sure, all of that sun has given you a gorgeous tan, but sit tight and in a few years it's going to feel like the upholstery of my Subaru.\nPro: The sight of a group of girls posing for a picture and insisting one is taken with each of their disposable cameras is always entertaining. Did CVS stop offering the option of getting double prints or something? Was that just a promotion?\nCon: Much of your day is spent fantasizing about gnawing off your wrist bands, as well as the face of anyone who tries to stop you.\nPro: While at the beach, one can witness the fascinating phenomenon of guys gravitating toward breasts. NASA claims to have evidence that this force is even more powerful than the Earth's gravitational pull.\nCon: Every worker with a hand you encounter wants a tip. It's rather absurd -- even more so than Hilary Swank's decision to roll up to last Sunday's Oscars in some sort of "I Dream of Jeannie" costume. \nPro: You can't put a price on seeing your buddy spit game at a shorty for two hours before she tells him about her boyfriend. \nCon: Each party plays the exact same music. I swear, next time I go out drinking and hear "In Da Club," I'm rushing home and mistaking my medicine cabinet for my cupboard. \nPro: Spending a week with an exclusive group of friends can be quite a bonding experience. I have never felt closer to my fellow United States Pony Club members. \nCon: One day I wanted to hear the doctor say: "It's a girl!" Then I went on spring break and saw how daddy's little girl can become Joey's favorite amusement park. Now the mere thought of it sends me scurrying to the bathroom to dry-heave for an hour. Even if I could somehow stomach my future daughter's need to get soaked and rip her clothes off on stage, it's the crowd of guys who look like they all just washed down a bottle of Viagra with a case of Red Bull who've got me feeling uneasy. \nWell it looks like we've got ourselves a tie. I would normally be able to muster up another pro to break it, but last week has rendered me short on brain cells.