Stay off easy street

I recently had the opportunity to spend some time in Las Vegas (for all my teachers reading this -- I mean um, at home with my sick aunt). I anticipated the trip's conclusion would render me broke and down to one pair of functional pants. However, I landed back at O'Hare with a valuable life lesson in my carry-on: Nothing comes easy in life. And since I'm violating the rule of "whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," I just might be writing next week's column from a hole the mob prepared for me in the middle of the desert. \nBeginning with the plane ride down, each stage of a typical trip to Sin City parallels our everyday quest for swift prosperity. A magnificent wave of exhilaration consumes the aircraft's cabin: smiles wider than Michael Jackson's in a nursery, passengers striking up conversations with complete strangers, people rocking back and forth in their seats, contagious clapping and more random outbursts of "Yee Haw!" than the Tourette's wing of the Terre Haute Psychiatric Ward. Everyone expects to hit it big.\nThis mentality is not exclusive to Las Vegas vacationers. Our society is based on thoughts of achieving great success with minimal effort and tolerance. We rely on our dads for employment, copy homework, file lawsuits because Ronald McDonald's special sauce has us strapping on "The Bro," purchase fists full of lottery tickets, cut corners at work, etc. There's even programming like "Joe Millionaire," which not only feeds off our desire to get rich quick, but bypasses the time consuming courtship process all together (If I don't find out the surprise ending to this show soon, I very well might spontaneously combust).\nWhatever happened to a little hard work and fortitude? We flip out when our waiter doesn't promptly refill our bread basket, when we catch consecutive red stoplights and whenever Webmail decides to take its sweet time (I've actually witnessed students in the computer lab wrapping mouse cords around their necks and begging people to kick the chairs out from under them). \nReturning to Las Vegas, you don't have to be a master of semiotics to notice it was constructed on the foundation of our yearning for immediate gratification. No matter which way you turn, you are bombarded with dazzling signs and lights claiming: loose slots, high jackpots, quick marriage ceremonies, in-and-out buffets and oh-so steamy gentlemen's clubs. No exertion of energy or patience is required. However, it's one gigantic "Mirage."\nSnap back to reality. We surrender to Sin City's enchantment of instant success and end up getting as far as a girl who reaches for the pastry cart instead of the vegetable platter during women's rush. While tallying our losses, sure we can claim that Teddy KGB from "Rounders" sat down at our poker table and deciphered all of our "tells," or the blackjack dealer was somehow affiliated with Satan, but our best bet is to extinguish our aversion to effort and serenity. \nOh, and did I mention the plane ride home isn't as pretty?\nNow, I am in no way condemning Las Vegas -- it's pretty much Disney World for adults and kids with fake ID's (and once I fully grasped the concept of an unlimited supply of complimentary cocktails, oh man I was "all in" like Johnny Chan). But our society needs to heighten the importance placed on the virtues of hard work and patience. Easy money and success is just a mirage. Of course, none of this crazy talk applies to me. I'm compted at The Rio this weekend.