Sleeping in, cashing in

Do you remember Charles Moose? He's the chief of the Montgomery county Maryland Police department, and the lead public information officer during the D.C. sniper manhunt.\nHe is also the latest example of the dishonest, opportunistic slackerdom in this country.\nDo you remember his angry words to the American public when the media got hold of new information?\n"If you all want CNN to do this investigation, let me know, and we will let them investigate this."\nWell, Chief Moose is now writing a book about the investigation. He has already signed a contract with a publisher, and the book is slated to come out before the trial even starts, which may compromise the integrity of the jury selection process.\nIs he exploiting the system or merely supplementing his income? Hmmm …\nThe opportunistic nature of the country reaches far and wide, to nearly every citizen. Even schoolchildren aren't out of this plague's reach. Colleges are having to double check admissions applications to ensure applicants aren't lying on their personal statements. In an article found in the Indianapolis Star, 18 year-old Jared Davidson admits to doing some "tweaking" to give his resume "flashier language."\nWhat was his tailoring? He claimed he was the therapist for an autistic child.\nIn reality, he took a 10-hour training session to prepare to assist in the care of an autistic child. Ten hours, I think, does not a therapist make.\nHis excuse? "I am a go-between for the child and the company. What other word would I use?"\nI'll bet his resume also says he negotiated a peace treaty between the Israelis and the Arabs during the Six-day War and single-handedly built an orphanage in South Africa.\nIU students definitely know how to slack with the best of them. I'll bet there are a few people who are fifth and sixth-year seniors because they couldn't get a class they needed to graduate -- not because it was unavailable, but because the only open slot was at 8 a.m. on Fridays. And for guys especially, there are some of you out there who would rather spend hundreds of dollars on new underwear than waste effort by putting clothes in a washing machine. A guy once told me he had over a hundred pairs of socks because of his affliction with laziness. \nSo if nothing else, his grandchildren can look forward to being named as sock beneficiaries in his will.\nOne bit of local laziness that has seen recent commentary is the Ballantine Hall "Walkdown," where students with classes on the third floor take the elevator to the fourth floor and walk down. Ever wonder why your professor is always late to class? He or she probably had to wait for an open elevator to get to their office on the 11th floor.\nAnd when the slackers, liars, and opportunists graduate from college and go out to effect change in the real world, their schemes and faults come with them. \nWho was responsible for the Enron/Arthur Andersen fiasco? Opportunistic liars.\nWho decided to end the 2002 Major League Baseball All-Star game in a tie? Gutless slackers (They said both teams "ran out of pitchers").\nWho are the idiots that claim cloning is the key to eternal life? Opportunistic schizophrenics with biology degrees. (Note: the Raelians are simply the Waco cult Version 2.0, now with more orgies and less gunfire.)\nGunfire … brings us back to Chief Moose. The mayor of Washington D.C. has requested that Moose not use the city's name in the title of the book. Moose's response? He said he had "little to do with it" and referred the question to his publisher. Wow -- a cop using a cop-out. \nThe era of the opportunistic, insincere slacker continues.