North Korea's brilliant plan

On Tuesday it was reported that North Korea had fired a missile into the Sea of Japan. With tensions already at an uncomfortable high, this gesture surely placed America on edge, wondering what exactly their motivation was and how to respond. Nothing, however, could prepare us for what we would soon learn.\nRodon Sinmun, North Korea's daily communist party newspaper reported on yet another military tactic that is being prepared for deployment. It is urging its country to call forth more courage and sing the song "Long Trip for Army-based Leadership" more loudly at this time of tension with the United States.\n"It is the revolutionary song they should sing loudly in the confrontation," the newspaper said, according to North Korea's official KCNA news agency. "We should carry on the staunch struggle along the road of the army-based revolution, sonorously singing this song." \nLittle do they know America is ready to fight back.\nIt is my understanding, though, that we will not take the route of the North Koreans who hope their song fills "imperialists and enemies with mortal terror." The United States' response will be a bit more passive.\nSome suggested titles of songs for our troops to sing in battle with regards to the North Koreans are Elton John's "I Don't Care," Motley Crew's "I Don't Care," a song from the revival of "Cabaret" entitled "I Don't Care Much" or possibly anything from Nirvana's "Nevermind" album. \nIn regards to the missile launch, CNN reported yesterday that a Washington representative has stated that so long as all their reports are accurate, the launch is not seen as a threat. \nOff the record, it was told that this statement was followed by a Senatorial chorus of Burt Bacharach's "Walk on By."\nOur armed forces are however pondering several different songs to sing while preparing to battle Iraq. Many street protesters in New York are suggesting "Let it Be" while the war hawks in Washington are hoping for "Let's Get It On."\nPresident Bush himself, however, has made a private list -- available only to his closest friends. Of the many that are noted, Avril Lavigne's "Complicated," Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond's "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" and the Clash's "Rock the Casbah" are family favorites.\nThe United Nations, through much deliberation, has decided to offer Janet Jackson's "Let's Wait Awhile" as a possible compromise, but France and Germany are dead set on singing Roy Orbison's "Running Scared" while England can only settle for Outkast's "Bombs Over Bagdad."\nSaddam it seems is the only figurehead who has yet to voice his opinion on this new evolution of harmonic military assault. Some intelligence reveals that he is harboring Hammer's "You Can't Touch This" or Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf," but there has since been no conclusive evidence as inspectors haven't been granted access to his Kazaa library.\nThe proper choice will dictate the fate of the world for the duration of this conflict. It seems assured that a definite decision will be reached any day now. There are likely to be many upset at the decision, and many innocents merely within earshot of the noise may fall victim to unwelcome lyrics. \nBut the songs will end in time, and new ones will be daily written.\nPerhaps we will sing Tears For Fears' "Mad World," and perhaps we will sing Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt."\nBut what we must never lose hope in is the fact that the day after, we will sing.\nWe will sing.