Soccer mom terrorists

Expedition, Escalade, Excursion, Explorer. Expensive. I've never been a fan of SUVs. I think they're great for their intended use, hauling stuff around, but it's another thing trying to navigate around the damn things. I admit I've had some negative feelings toward the SUV crowd. If only roads and parking spots were just a bit wider, maybe we could all live in happiness.\nThere have been a few times when I wished that the SUV driver, who is on a cell phone, oblivious to the entire world around them, would magically flip over a curb and burst into flames. God forbid they put down the damn phone and realize that they just cut off three cars trying to leave the interstate. Oh no, wouldn't want to get wired out of the matrix now, would we? Had to talk to little Johnny about his soccer game and how he scored the winning goal; it's a shame he had to hear your blood-curdling screams as your flesh melted into your Corinthian leather car seats. Lord knows I'd be the first one there, roasting marshmallows and weenies in the burning wreckage.\nHopefully readers can sense the sarcasm in the previous paragraph. I think a lot of my pent up rage toward SUVs has to do with the fact that I can't afford one, let alone pay for the gas that the vehicle requires. I'm jealous, so sue me, but at least I'm not accusing SUV drivers of funding terrorism.\nSyndicated columnist and author Arianna Huffington has helped organize "The Detroit Project" and "Americans for Fuel Efficient Cars." The group believes the foreign oil used in SUVs funds terrorists and the countries that harbor them. The goal of Huffington's project is to convince people to ditch their SUVs in favor of hybrid or low gas mileage vehicles that don't finance terrorists. Two commercials have already been made for their ad campaign and both have drawn negative feedback from car companies and TV stations alike.\nI think that Huffington's attacks are misdirected. Automakers are not going to produce small, fuel-efficient cars just because they want to; it's as simple as supply and demand. The current trend is SUVs, and automakers are anxious to satisfy that demand. Blatantly accusing the public of aiding terrorists is a cruel way to try to change public opinion. Wouldn't an ad praising the environmental benefits of owning a fuel-efficient or hybrid vehicle do more? Maybe show somebody crying by a road or something, I don't know. At least be a more friendly way of persuading people.\nBoth of AFEC's commercials are parodies of the government's anti-drug commercials aired last year. These accused drug dealers and users of aiding terrorists by buying narcotics. I'm really sure that a drugged-out heroin junky with hypodermic needles in every available vein is going to sit up and say, "Oh man! My drug-induced euphoria has been funding terrorists all along! That's it, no more drugs for me!" Sure, drugs are bad, but if we accuse the SUV owners, then who is next on the list?\nI think Huffington's next target will be the elderly, because it's a widely known fact that old people (65 and up) drive too slowly and aren't using their terrorist-funding fossil fuels efficiently. Gramps, a WWII vet, never thought he'd be accused of aiding terrorists by simply driving his land-yacht Buick 40 mph in first gear on State Road 37. Unless you feel guilty about driving an SUV, keep driving it.