Shut up and drive

The other day I was cruising down Tenth Street in the Subaru, experiencing driving excitement. As I approached an intersection, an oncoming car turned right in front of me, causing me to slam on my brakes to avoid "T-boning" him. As I watched him speed off, I noticed he never even saw me. He was too busy laughing it up on his cell phone and bobbling his head.\nI contemplated getting the whiffle ball bat out of my trunk, chasing him down and busting his kneecaps. But I maintained my composure. I calmly picked up my Dave Thomas dash ornament off the floor and continued on my merry way.\nBut what if next time I'm not able to avoid a collision? There's no official tally of accidents caused by people using their mobile phones while driving, but they're happening every day. This may even be a bigger problem than the wait time at BuffaLouie's. If we can eliminate these accidents and prevent injuries, why aren't we? There needs to be a federal law making it illegal for people behind the wheel to use their hand held mobile phones. Violators should be thrown in the clank with Miss Cleo. \nI know, I know, you'll stop breathing if you can't use your cell phone. But you can use it anywhere else you'd like. The people who have them clipped to their shorts while working out at the gym are my personal favorite. Unless your name is Cliff Huxtable and you might have to go deliver a baby, this is pretty much ridiculous behavior.\nA poll conducted by Harris Interactive found that 76 percent of Americans support legislation limiting the use of cellular phones by drivers. That many people couldn't possibly be wrong, could they? Well, except when we all thought something really cool was going to happen on New Year's 2000. \nBut not everyone's in my corner; I'm not Ralph Macchio. In an interview with USA Today, AAA spokesman Mantill Williams said, "Our advice is not to talk on the phone in the car. But it's more of an educational issue than a legislative issue. You cannot pass a law requiring people to pay attention."\nWhy not? It seems like they are just giving licenses away these days to anybody willing to put up with the agony of going to the DMV. It baffles me how so many people don't know what to do at an intersection with a blinking yellow stoplight. Is this your first day on Earth? Gooooo!\nI know that drinking and driving isn't a flawless comparison to cell phone use and driving, but there are similarities. Talking on a mobile phone dilutes your concentration and delays your reaction time. This is the very same reaction I have when I drink Jack and Cokes all morning. And we all know those aren't allowed in the car.\nBut who knows if this will ever happen? The cellular industry is fighting against restrictions on cell phone use in cars harder than I'm fighting to get Creed banned from the radio. And people seem to think driving is just one huge picnic. Pontiac commercials even encourage the use of blenders in their Vibes. If I ever pull up to a stop light and see some guy making a smoothie in his car, I'm driving straight into the nearest lake.