Corvettes and presidencies

Indiana University needs a new president.\nAnd the IUSA (I Usually Smell like Armpits) has a solution to this pressing dilemma. In the vein of "Work Hard, Play Hard" and "Vote Hard," IUSA will soon announce plans for a new initiative tentatively entitled, "Preside Hard." \nThat's right. IUSA is going to hold a raffle to see who gets to be the next president of Indiana University. You could be the next president of our college!\nBilly Bob the Buckaroo, the totally imaginary spokesperson for IUSA President Bill Gray, said "Preside Hard" will get students to "at least stop thinking about the Corvette disaster. That was such a bad idea. Woo boy. That's probably one of the dumbest things we've ever done. Man, we must have been really drunk. Heck, I don't remember. What was your question again?"\nThe raffle will be open to all students except those whose last name start with the letter "G" or "P." "We feel that anybody whose last name could be possibly silent (i.e. gnu, pneumonia) should not be allowed to be president," justified the Buckaroo. A few students have pointed out that the letters "H" and "W" could also be construed as being silent (i.e. hour, whole), but the IUSA could not hear their complaints over the revving of a nearby Corvette engine.\nMany students are excited about the possibility of becoming president.\n"I would make a great president," said imaginary student (bet you didn't know there were this many imaginary people on campus) Georgie Porgie. "The first thing I'd do would be to launch a pre-emptive attack on any nearby college that may pose a threat to us. Doesn't Purdue University have some nuclear stuff? Do Boilermakers constitute an imminent threat?"\nOther students are not so sure.\n"I just don't know," said Winnie the Pooh Bear. "Is there an adequate supply of honey near the president's house?"\nThis comment made the Buckaroo furious. "I don't know what the Pooh Bear is talking about. Who wouldn't want to live in a house named after some guy called Bryan. Bryan is a good name. My uncle's name is Bryan."\nIUSA realizes that someone may attempt to steal or damage the Bryan House, so it is taking precautionary steps to assure that won't happen. They will be posting a team of elite spy chipmunks around the house to keep guard. Anyone who steps within 10 feet of the Bryan House will be immediately and recklessly nibbled to death. IUSA has no comment on whether these will be "real" elite spy chipmunks, though.\n There are a few fears that random selection is not the best way to go about choosing a new president.\n "I don't see why not," said the Buckaroo. "It's totally democratic, and being totally democratic is what IUSA is all about. Plus we're hoping to recoup some of the money we spent on the Corvette and that sweet party we threw the other day, that was, um, thrown to encourage student voting. Go Kirkwood!"\nPresident Brand had absolutely nothing to say about any of this because frankly there is no way I'm going to call that man and ask him questions about stuff I am totally making up. He is still the president of the University, and I don't feel like having a $25,000 dollar Idiot Fee added to my bursar account.\n"In conclusion," said the Buckaroo, "we're just hoping that every student here realizes that they too have the ability to 'Preside Hard.' Has anyone seen my beer bong"