Instant madness

Yesterday I found myself on the slippery downward slope that is instant messenger. I can't describe the exhilaration, an entire smorgasbord of human emotions rolled into one, simple chatting system. Like the joy that comes with talking to your parents online, discussing your early Shakespeare class and the benefits of a good education, while at the same time throwing a wild party in your freshman dorm. \nKiller! \nThen you move on and learn to use IM as a strategic weapon. Away messages become little glimpses into the lives of those you like, hate or want to sleep with. You find yourself unable to separate from the screen, drawn to its hypnotic glow. You're losing sleep, but you don't mind. It's an addiction. \nBut let's take a step back and look at this logically. Ask why you take pleasure in updating your IM version if only to get an improved set of pre-programmed smiley faces at your disposal? I'm still waiting for the vomiting smiley for those not-so-fresh mornings after a night at the bar. \nThen there's the ever-defining buddy icon. For the longest time, I had one of the Lincoln Memorial in a fleeting tribute to this burn I sustained which bore an eerie resemblance to the stoic memorial itself. (Ask to see my scar, I'll gladly show you!)\nI think the real problem with IM is the laziness it breeds. Why walk next door when you can IM your friend asking them over? Why call your mom when you can IM her a detailed and edited description of your weekend? (This of course only applies if your mom knows how to function a computer. I'm still working on that.) \nBut I think the ultimate sign that IM has become an issue lies in the blocking system. Don't bother telling your roommates off, you can block them! Nothing sends a clearer message than a good blocking. Then when they check if you're online with one of their "super-secret" alternate names, they'll get the message loud and clear. \nSo let's talk about this alternate buddy name. Who are these people with 3-10 buddy names? My little brother seems to have a new one every other week. Last week's S8guy is no longer as chic as this week's S8erdude. Let's just chalk this up to another growth spurt of puberty. Well I'm sorry, we can't blame it on puberty for much longer. Especially you fifth years.\nMy favorite aspect of IM is the ingenious IMChaos. For those of you who don't know about this system, listen up! It is the ultimate method of covert information reconnaissance. When you click on a seemingly innocent link in a buddy profile, it'll record that you have viewed it. So when that guy/girl who you aren't talking to anymore checks, you can't help but take some personal satisfaction in knowing that you now have the upper hand in the non-relationship. \nBut take heed. Others know about this system, and when it's used against you, it can backfire. For example, in a moment of weakness I had my roommate check another person's buddy link (knowing that her name would appear on their IMChaos report). So she did, and I made her promise that if this person IMed back, she wouldn't, under any circumstances, reveal who she was. But then again, who would IM a person based on the IMChaos report? \nTo make a long story short, the guy IMed her with some, "Who are you, you aren't on my buddy list." Panic ensued, so we blocked him.