Movie based on Disney show as un"bear"able as this pun

The Country Bears -- G
Starring: Chirstopher Walken, Haley Joel Osment, Daryl Mitchell
Directed by: Peter Hastings
Showing: Showplace East 11 Okay, ha ha, laugh it up, I went to see "The Country Bears." And you know what, it was every bit as excruciating as I imagined. Actually, that's an understatement. It was fair to expect the worst from a live-action Disney film based on a mechanical bear singing show, but there have been very few 90-minute periods in my life during which I felt as duped. It's really that bad. Let's put it into perspective, shall we. Like I said, "The Country Bears" is a live-action film inspired by a Disney attraction about a group of bears in a country band, cleverly named The Country Bears. The film centers around the journey of an adopted little bear-boy-thing named Beary (voiced by Haley Joel Osment) that, you guessed it, doesn't feel like he fits in with his human family. This is, of course, no thanks to his ridiculously heartless "brother" who constantly reminds him that he is adopted wildlife. Something, I take it, he never picked up at school. So, guitar in hand, Beary sets out on a journey to Country Bear Hall, home to the now disbanded Country Bears, to try and find his purpose in life. But much to Beary's dismay, Country Bear Hall is in jeopardy of being demolished by a slimy banker, played by Christopher Walken, and the only way they can save it is to get The Country Bears back together. The rest of the film goes exactly as you would expect. Now I tried to go into this thing and watch it with a youthful state of mind. But it was just awful. The kids in the theater weren't laughing and neither were their parents. Everyone just squirmed and groaned and anxiously awaited the end credits. Disney even decided to let John Hiatt, who's always hip with the kids, do the music. The whole movie played like a ridiculous schizophrenic musical root canal and had virtually no redeeming qualities. If you were even thinking about making some lame excuse to go see it like, "Christopher Walken is my favorite actor" or "I just love John Hiatt's music," instead just hit yourself in the head with a big stick. I wouldn't wish "The Country Bears" on my worst enemy.