Hey, look at that china set!

It's truly amazing how watching a few episodes of the The Learning Channel's Trading Spaces can delude someone (namely me) into thinking he or she is the next Martha Stewart (minus the one-way ticket to jail of course).\nFor those of you unfortunate souls who have never seen this delightful show (those of you with a life in other words), Trading Spaces is wonderful for exactly two reasons. First, it proves that with a measly $1,000, anyone can take a hideous-looking room and turn it into an extremely hideous looking room. Second, this is perfectly okay because you are decorating a neighbor's room and therefore (prepare for a shock) not your own.\nUnfortunately, the neighbors whose room you are decorating and who you have known for at least 10 years, are concurrently redoing one of your rooms and you just know they still hold a grudge over that time your dachshund poopied on their prized magnolias.\nSo, when I found out that a friend was moving into a new apartment, I decided this would be a great opportunity to test out my newly learned interior decorating skills. Little did I know that a few days later this decision would land me in the shower mat aisle of Wal-Mart pondering whether the giant foot or Spongebob Squarepants would best fit the décor of his bathroom.\nLuckily, I had the help of his ex-girlfriend, and fellow Trading Spaces aficionado, to assist me in the tough choices like this. We actually paced around his empty apartment discussing important decorating matters like should the overall scheme be Country Kaleidoscope or Georgie Visits the Zoo and if it's psychotic to want to put ivy on the bathroom walls. My friend's input consisted of insisting that Blink-182 must be represented in every room.\nThe furniture was the best part. You know you've watched way too much Trading Spaces when you look at a couch for the first time and exclaim, "That couch needs a slip cover!" His couch really does, though. It looks as if the 70s barfed it up and then a big, furry white cat with an extreme shedding problem laid on it for about a century. So, it was off to Wal-Mart to buy a large-enough sheet to cover it.\nOne should never go to Wal-Mart while cheaply redecorating a college student's apartment. Suddenly, things you have never noticed before in a store magically appear and you hear yourself proclaiming things like "Hey, look at that china set!" Or, "I didn't know dish rags came in different colors." Or, my personal favorite, "Sir, can you help me find where the doilies are located?"\nSomehow, we were finally able to dislodge ourselves from Wal-Mart and returned back to my friend's new pad to transform a depressing, bleak apartment into a vibrant, fun-filled apartment. I would like to be able to say that we were completely successful in our endeavor and that the both of us have received calls from Trading Spaces asking us to join the show. But, then I would be a filthy liar, and we all know where filthy liars go, and we all know who's already there (Martha Stewart).\n"It looks…um…different," my friend said about the finished product, which is friendspeak for "I'm going to sneak into your room one night and strangle you with a slip cover."\nIt seems like interior decorating isn't my call in life, but I'm okay with that. I've recently started to get into the Crocodile Hunter, and it looks a lot easier than decorating. So until next time, G'day mate.