Catharsis out of tragedy

I left campus early on Tuesday after my second class of the day was canceled. I went into my bedroom and found that my answering machine was flashing with a message.\nI pressed the "message" button and listened. It was one of my old high school friends who is now living in San Francisco. Like me, she has been struggling recently with issues of self-doubt and confusion.\n"Hi Ryan," she said. I could tell immediately that she was crying.\n"I just woke up and saw what happened," she continued, trying to hold back sobs. "I had no idea until now ... I just woke up and saw the World Trade Center burning."\nShe stopped for a moment to catch her breath and gather her strength.\n"I don't know what to say," she said. "It just … it just makes my problems look so stupid."\nHer words struck me to the core, because I spent much of Tuesday thinking the same thing. For the last few weeks, I've written about my problems with depression and mental illness, problems that have been a dominant part of my life for many years. So far, my return to IU has been marked by many ups and downs stemming from those problems.\nBut the tragedies that happened in New York and Washington on Tuesday forced me to look at things differently, at least for a little while. I found myself compelled to step back and temporarily alter the way I look at myself and the world.\nThis week's disastrous events had a dual effect on me. On one level, they served as a giant kick in the pants. They helped me to put my problems in perspective.\n"How can I be worried about my little problems, my little traumas, when so many people are losing their lives?" I thought to myself. "How can I possibly think I have it bad compared to the families of the people who have died?"\nIn a way, coming to such a stark realization helped me to forget my problems and understand, at least for a moment, that my life isn't that bad, that I am doing OK, that I am going to make it. I realized that there are other people with much, much bigger challenges ahead of them.\nBut on the other hand, Tuesday's tragedies only made things worse in my head because they were so terrible, so distressing, so unbelievable. It is upsetting and even depressing to know that we live in a world where something like this can happen, a world where so much hatred exists and even thrives.\n"What is the point of trying to be happy when there is misery all around me?" another inner voice asked. "If this is what the world is like -- if this is how human beings relate to one another -- I don't want to be a part of it."\n As a result of these dual reactions, I have spent the last few days examining my situation -- and my attitude. But I have also realized that even with the personal challenges I face, I am not much different from anyone else who saw the images of the burning towers and collapsed rubble.\nThis week's events have forced us all to re-evaluate ourselves and our world and to take stock of where we are and where we want to be. That is only natural, regardless of whether we are depressed or satisfied, happy or sad. That's because we are all human, with emotions and fears and frailties.\nAfter a couple days of calling, I eventually reached my friend in San Francisco. We talked for nearly two hours, and it was emotionally draining.\nAs we were about to hang up, I told her to have faith.\n"Everything's going to work out," I told her. "You're going to be OK."\nIndeed, we are all going to be OK.