All-Star game isn't funny

Tuesday night's Major League Baseball All-Star game meant one and only one thing to me: Have I seen the "Frasier" rerun on the competing network, or did I miss it the first time around?\nThe All-Star game is the biggest in sports simply because nothing else on the sports calendar happens during that three-day span unless you are really into the Tour de France. Not even the steroid orgies known as NFL training camps have begun.\nThat leaves a lot of time to digest the All-Star selection process. Somebody will argue every year that the process is flawed and in need of some sort of major overhaul because Player X didn't make it while Player Y did. Now that we had a game that ended in a tie after both teams ran out of players, the process will receive even more scrutiny.\nMaybe fans shouldn't be allowed to vote. Maybe players should have some say over who goes and who doesn't. Maybe the media deserves a vote. Maybe anybody can have a good half-season (Steve Swisher, a lifetime .216 hitter, made the 1976 National League All-Star team representing the Chicago Cubs). \nMaybe the one-player-per-team rule ought to be abolished. Maybe the commissioner's office needs to step in when Joe Torre and Bob Brenly take their own players in borderline calls between players on other teams (Luis Gonzalez making the All-Star team over Jim Edmonds or Brian Giles was cryonism at its worst). Maybe MLB rigged the voting because how could Montreal Expos' players Jose Vidro and Vladimir Guerrero be voted as starters when the crowd at Olympic Stadium is so small that it can fit inside Britney Spears' brain.\nThose who would worry about these sorts of things need to take the All-Star game a little less seriously.\nIf All-Star selections matter at all, it's when it comes to Hall of Fame voting, since it reveals greatness over a period of years. Players who have made 10 or more All-Star Games rarely miss out. Steve Garvey, who was a 10-time All-Star, is an exception, but he has a bit of support. Gary Carter, an 11-time All-Star, should be in and probably will be within the next three years. Of course, Bill Mazeroski, who "only" made seven Midsummer Classic appearances, entered the Hall last year. The controversial candidacies of Ron Santo (up for election in front of the new Veterans Committee in 2003) and Rich "Goose" Gossage are buoyed by nine All-Star appearances apiece.\nOther than that, the All-Star game is a manufactured MLB product. Artificial standing ovations for Ted Williams and Pete Rose at the 1999 and 2000 All-Star games exist to promote the game's heritage. The pregame show was eternal. Even the national anthem singer takes about five minutes so he or she can show off.\nAnd if you didn't cry immediately thereafter and again when Ripken received game MVP honors, then you are not human, you cad!\nThe All-Star game used to promise unique matchups that one couldn't see otherwise. Pedro Martinez vs. Mark McGwire. Randy Johnson vs. Larry Walker. Greg Maddux vs. Manny Ramirez.\nNow with interleague play, the novelty is over. If Richie Sexson winds up facing Eddie Guardado, well heck, that will be the first time they have faced each other... in a week and a half.\nIf any sports organization lacks a sense of humor, it's MLB. Drinking games have been created for every time a broadcaster says, "You know, these guys really want to win this game. Don't let that this is an exhibition fool you."\nYeah, yeah, yeah.\nThis year should provide an especially large bit of humorlessness. The MLB Players Association had an executive meeting the day before the game where players did not determine a strike date but then strongly intimated that it might be the only way to have legitimate negotiations with the owners. \nCommissioner Bud Selig will reassert that MLB is in some sort of financial crisis that only player salary restrictions can cure. Meanwhile, that Selig and MLB would even propose the creation of a database that would log all free agent contract offers during the offseason is a sign that MLB is acting more out of spite toward the players than out of any financial necessity. \nFurthermore, every player will have to answer to the steroid issue brought into light by a recent Sports Illustrated article.\nSo given all that, "Frasier" sounds better and better. Is this the one where Niles acts like a neurotic snob?