Mural a rock in Mary's shoes

Chancellor Sharon Brehm's decision to allow the Benton mural to remain in Woodburn Hall 100 has received high marks. Her decision has been touted as "fair," "diplomatic," "sensitive" and "equitable." As a political decision, one that seeks to satisfy as many constituents as possible, diminish conflict and provide order, I concur with these assessments. But my respectful dissent is offered in the following allegory.\nJohn and Mary have been married for 25 years. John has a history of abusiveness. Nonetheless, for the last few years, Mary and John have made major strides in their relationship. John no longer physically abuses Mary nor does he knowingly verbally abuse her. While he had once refused to let her work outside the home, he now encourages her self-actualization. Mary is thriving since John treats her better and she has a greater sense of her own worth. Like all couples, they have their challenges, yet they seem to learn from them.\nTheir latest conflict was about a mural. When John turned 50, his company commissioned a series of murals which depicted John's life. They were placed in various locations in their mansion. One of them, a representation of John and a former love interest, had originally been placed in the hall leading to the guest house. While she never liked the mural, Mary seldom had to see it.\nWhen their mansion was renovated, the mural wound up in their bedroom. John would always patiently try to explain that it was important to keep the mural in its designated place for a host of reasons: removing it may irreparably damage it; it would be tantamount to attempting to forget the past; and his freedom of expression would be diminished. Some suggested that it was a personal insecurity that caused Mary to make an issue of the mural. \nJohn would make it very clear that he understood his wife's concerns. He tried to meet her objections by educating her more about the mural and trying to make her understand that it was a part of his life and to remove it would somehow diminish the goal of the artist. He would also provide more opportunities for her to self-actualize and shower her with expensive gifts.\nMary was most intelligent. She could appreciate the history and the importance of the murals. While she would rather not see pictures of her husband's former love interests, her major objection was that she found the mural distracting in their bedroom. Moreover, she also appreciated the material resources that he used to meet her other needs. Nonetheless, his response, insisting that the mural stay in their bedroom, was emotionally disturbing.\n Mary had mixed feelings about the mural. Sometimes she felt the mural was simply a small glitch in an otherwise good relationship. She would take it in stride and focus on the good things. Other times she felt that her husband really did not understand her and was essentially trying to buy her off. Why couldn't he understand that logic and gifts could not ultimately satisfy her emotionally?\nMary understands John's values and reasoning. Their conflict over the mural will not end their marriage. She realizes that John is a good man and a good husband. But Mary will never like the mural in the bedroom. As long as the possible damage to the mural and other competing values outweigh her emotional discomfort, despite the gifts, the mural will continue to be a rock in an otherwise relatively comfortable pair of shoes. The bedroom will never be a comfortable place for her.