Hyponosis won't work for me

This is kind of fun.\nIt's Friday night and I'm pretending to be asleep while sitting in a hard wood chair on a stage in the IMUG surrounded by about thirty people.\nDefinitely a new experience.\nActually, I'm supposed to be hypnotized right now. Instead, my head hangs down with my eyes closed while I'm thinking, "If I had two left feet and I were a penguin, would I still be able to swim and waddle across the ice or would I be ostracized from the flock and be forced to join a less suitable group like plankton?" Somehow, I don't think these kind of thoughts are supposed to meander across your mind while hypnotized. Or any other time for that matter.\nMeanwhile, I'm faced with the daunting idea that the four people sitting in similar chairs around me REALLY are hypnotized and that everybody is going to see me for the faker I REALLY am and that I will REALLY get booed off the stage before getting REALLY fired because of my insistence to capitalize the word REALLY.\nSo what can a humor columnist do? Besides forget where the caps lock button is.\nThis humor columnist decided enough was enough. And so when the hypnotist tried to put me to sleep again, I did the first thing I could think of. (The hypnotist has a name, but I'm a horrible, horrible journalist and didn't write it down, so we'll just call him Bingo.) I stared at Bingo blankly and said, "I don't think I'm hypnotized anymore."\nBingo, who was wearing a black beret because someone obviously had beat the fashion sense out of him with a bat when he was younger, looked at me like he was amazed that someone could break out of his stupendous powers of hypnosis. \nEither that or he was dumbfounded that a seemingly intelligent college student couldn't figure out the simple game, "Quack Like a Duck When I Tell You To."\nSo, he quickly sent me back to my seat in the audience while the other four got to play all the fun hypnotized games like "Pretend You're A Butt Bongo Band" and "Yes, The Entire Audience is Naked. Enjoy."\nFor 30 glorious minutes, I could have acted like a deliriously drunk college student without even being at the Little 500. I could have rubbed random people's hair, laughed hysterically, and fallen in love with every single girl in the room. (That's right ladies, you missed your chance. I can hear the sobbing now. Or laughter. One of those two.)\n Instead, I could only sit and watch because Bingo wouldn't let poor Jo-Jo join in any reindeer games (LIKE MONOPOLY!) Sorry, but I've spent the last 30 minutes trying to figure out the inane lyrics to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and, by golly, I am using them in this column. (A big thanks to Emily from Seymour, Ind., for helping me to remember that line. See. Not everything from Seymour is bad. Just John Mellencamp.)\nSo I didn't get to be hypnotized, which was unfortunated. But I did get to learn a valuable lesson. Even if you can't be a member of a Butt Bongo band on stage, at least you can be a member of one in the privacy of your own dorm room. Now if you don't mind, you'll all have to excuse me while I leave to practice my drum solo.