28 days are 28 too many

If I had the power to eliminate an entire month off of our calendar, it would certainly be February. But since no one has vested that power to me, I will simply complain about its existence.\nThe word February is derived from the Latin Februalia, which was the time of the year sacrifices were made to atone for sins. Thus, it is probably no coincidence that it is the shortest month of the year. \nAnd while 28 days may seem short enough for some, in my humble opinion, they are still 28 days too many. (Except, of course, when there is a leap year. Note that leap years always happen to occur in presidential election years so we are blessed with an extra day of campaign ads).\nIf the school year were a cross-country road trip, then February would be the middle of Kansas. In other words, staying awake becomes exponentially more difficult. What can be used for motivation? The slate gray skies that shower us with refreshing drops of frozen rain? Or perhaps the thought that midterms are at the end of the month will be one that revitalizes mind and spirit.\nAs my associate, distinguished scholar Luas Det, recently observed over a bottle of cream soda, "Even the chicks are wearing revealing clothing." But that's just the way his mind works. I apologize.\nThere also seems to be some sort of "bug" floating around every February, ranging from the "flu bug" to the "cold bug" to the "mono bug" to the "I'm staying at home so I can watch 'The Price is Right' bug." Just see if you can avoid any of them.\nThere are a number of holidays in February, from Groundhog Day to President's Day. Not that I have a problem with holidays. But all of the holidays we have are rather useless, considering that we don't even get any days off school from any of them.\nI remember when this was not the case. Back in the heyday of my educational career, we got both Lincoln's birthday and Washington's birthday off. Then, because I live in Illinois, it got cut down to only having Lincoln's Birthday off. \nEventually, political correctness transformed it to President's Day, which gave us the opportunity to celebrate the glorious accomplishments of other chief executives like Warren G. Harding and Grover Cleveland. \nBy the time I graduated high school, we didn't even get that day off.\nAnd then, of course, right in the middle of the month, is the most horrific "holiday" created: Valentine's Day. \nI must admit that Valentine's Day was enjoyable back in the grade-school era, when guys swapped Ninja Turtles valentines with the girls in exchange for New Kids on the Block valentines. But then puberty hit and it all went downhill.\nYou may call this the bitter ramblings of some guy whose dating highlights include getting dumped by a girl before our first date and going on a date with someone in between breaking up and getting back together with her ex-boyfriend (at least once), but one fact remains: Valentine's Day was originally created as a religious holiday (Saint Valentine's Day). Then card companies, candy makers and jewelers collaborated to cheat us out of our money, which is quite unlike any other holidays that we celebrate.\nSo the sooner February is liquidated, the better. After all, my birthday is in March.