Nothing funny about cancer

Earlier this week, I received an e-mail from a friend back home. It included a picture of the costume he said he'd wear for Halloween. The costume basically involved a cardboard box on his head. The front was removed, with two half-circle slots cut in on the bottom edge of the box near his mouth. On top of the box was a sign: "Free Mammograms."\nThe concept, apparently, was that a woman could place her breasts on the slots, right in front of his face, and have them "examined." \nHow funny, I thought. I'm glad my friend feels free enough to make fun of breast cancer. How nice for him.\nThe "costume" reminded me of a scene from the FOX cartoon show "Family Guy." The main character, a Homer Simpson rip-off, is feeling around his chest and gets a worried look on his face. "Oh God," he says, "it's a lump. It's a lump."\nHe pauses for minute, and a relieved look comes over his face. "Oh good," he says, "it's just a cheese doodle."\nHilarious.\nFor some reason, it's apparently kosher to belittle breast cancer. Apparently, it's not that big a deal. In fact, it seems breast cancer can be a source of humor and bawdy bathroom jokes. It's only a cartoon, nothing that happens in real life. And if it does happen in real life, then it's funny.\nI'll have to pass that message on to my mother. I think I'll wait until her next mammogram. I'll wait until she's waiting in fear for the results. I'll wait until she's so nervous that she can't eat or sleep until she finds out that this six-month check-up came back clean.\nOr maybe I'll wait to tell her when she's remembering about all the trips she took to the bathroom to throw up. Maybe I'll tell her when she sees the gaping scars in her chest and remembers the weeks she spent with a tube and medical bag filled with drained blood hanging from her side. Maybe I'll tell her when she's doing spring cleaning and comes across the thick red wig she wore for most of a year.\nIn fact, I think I'll inform the 192,200 women who will be diagnosed this year with breast cancer, according to the American Cancer Society, that it's perfectly alright for people to have a good laugh at their expense. I'll let them know that it's alright for men to mock their suffering with jokes about free breast exams. I'll tell them to ignore that big, gaping hole where a breast used to be. I'll tell them to not worry about maintaining their dignity and self-esteem. Those things aren't that important anyway.\nWhile I'm at it, I can spread the word to the families of the American Cancer Society's expected 40,200 women who will die this year from the disease. Every husband without his wife, every son or daughter without their mother, every sibling without their sister. Hey, guess what? I'll say to them. Your loved one's death was really, really funny! So smile, lighten up. Your wife, your mother, your sister, your daughter ... they weren't all that important anyway.\nBecause, you see, breast cancer doesn't really exist. Women don't really suffer, don't really waste away, don't really die. All of that? That's just a figment of our imagination.