A little comedy lightens the load

We need a fall break. I intend to bring up this important issue at my next luncheon with the board of trustees, but until then, I want to do something to ease the suffering of the masses. Therefore, for your reading pleasure, I present COMIC RELIEF. \nAnd you didn't think that I had it in me. \nBelow is a compilation of quotes I have heard from faculty over the years. This is also hard evidence that I have been awake in class -- at least most of the time. All of the quotes are true. Throughout my college years, I have jotted down quotes during lecture. In case there are any job recruiters reading this, let me note that I not only captured witty remarks in lecture but I also learned (that takes talent -- how about a job?). \nI have omitted the teachers' names to protect the guilty. Now I do admit that most of these quotes have been taken out of context, but that only makes them funnier. Enjoy.\nWe have all had classes that really did not interest us. Some classes are so boring that even the teachers are not interested, as seen by these quotes: \n"This material is pretty dry today."\n"As you can see, I'm bored with our topic today."\n"Back to this mundane example."\n"Here is something that is truly boring."\nSometimes, you wonder if a teacher is qualified. These quotes can make you wonder:\n"A trained monkey -- heck, even a professor could do this." \n"I try to appear literate and botch it."\n"I got a Ph.D. in something." \n"This way you'll feel like you're taking a real course."\n"That's why I have AI's -- to protect me from questions that are too hard."\nYou have probably read how the faculty is underpaid while IU President Myles Brand continues to get pay raises. This can be confirmed by one professor's comment when he saw Ramen noodles on sale in the newspaper: "Those Ramen noodles rock. I know we're going to be stocking up." If our professors are living off Ramen, you know they are underpaid. This same professor commented that he was "lucky to have a printer." I am definitely concerned about where all our money is going. \nStudents often complain about their workload. But teachers are not unsympathetic to our plight, as demonstrated in the following quotes:\n"I'm not always cruel."\n"I don't want to make your lives unnecessarily miserable." (My prof said this after canceling a homework assignment. He is a champion. This same professor also warned me of the perils of his subject matter.)\n"I haven't discussed the bad things that can happen."\n"I shouldn't say nerve-wracking. You'll get up and leave."\nI minored in mathematics. And boy am I glad, since one professor told the class that: "Charles will attain satisfaction that others will never achieve," just from minoring in math!\nNo collection of quotes would be complete without the ironic utterance of one of my computer science professors: "I hate computers."\nThere you have it, folks. This column is no substitute for a fall break, but I hope the chuckles help lighten the load.