Basic instincts

When I graduated from IU two years ago, I planned to use my fresh Master of Library Science for a couple of years and then return to graduate school. I imagined myself honing the skills I acquired in my time at School of Library and Information Science, and returning triumphantly to graduate school confident that I could survive and even thrive in the "real world."\nWhat is it they say about the best laid plans of mice and men? The past two years have been quite a learning experience for me. Unfortunately, not the learning experience I wanted. There were times when I wondered if I would come through this learning experience at all, let alone with my sanity intact. \nThe most important lesson I learned is to always trust your instincts. Your mind will often fail you as it gets caught up in the little details. Your instincts will keep you focused on the big picture. I know that listening to my instincts saved me from physical danger many times. Had I listened to my gut during the hunt for jobs and graduate programs, I could have saved myself from some very painful experiences.\nI ignored my instincts and listened only to my rational mind when I took my first professional position. It was the biggest mistake of my life. During my first hour on the job, my boss made a "joke" about firing me. I tried to pretend that it really was a joke. At the end of my first week, she informed me that she was "concerned" about my vision, she didn't like young people, and the conservative Baptist town I was working in didn't like Unitarians. I knew admitting I was a Wiccan wouldn't be a wise move. I was terminated at the end of my third week on the job. \nAfter the job fell through, I discovered that anti-discrimination laws really don't provide much protection. I also learned about desperation. At one point, I was so desperate for work I took a job working for a famous rodent. My job description included words like "perky" and "pixie dust," but no mention of creative thinking, problem solving or any of the other skill I had worked all my life to develop. \nIt's hard to believe you've accomplished much of anything when your boss values your cute voice over your ability to find information. It could have been worse, one of the more interesting jobs I interviewed for was "shoe fit model." Apparently, wearing a size six shoe is as much a marketable skill as an advanced degree. Alas, my foot is not perfect. \nIn the end, I didn't get to return to grad school as triumphantly as I had hoped. I can survive in the real world, but I did not accomplish any of the goals I had set. I still believe I am a capable competent librarian. Strangely enough, the horrible first job increased my confidence in my abilities. I know I could have ran the library very well, if I had been given the chance. I am less sure that I will actually get the chance to prove it. I am more aware of what I am up against. Though the lessons I learned over the past two years are not the lessons I had wanted to learn, I hope they will serve me well as I enter the next phase of my career.