Fight the evil Parking Operations power

It happened again. Returning from a University-affiliated meeting, I encountered the enemy of all enemies: the yellow parking ticket on my windshield. Being involved with an event that exposes the University on a national level (the Little 500) and brings in thousands of dollars, it came as no surprise that I would be penalized for parking in a lot that was practically vacant at 10:30 p.m. on a Wednesday night.\nI hate a lot of things, but most of all, I hate people who make in excess of $1 million dollars a year, which narrows the field to Alex Rodriguez and IU Parking Operations, which brought in $1.7 million from parking tickets alone last year. \nI've received but two parking tickets in my entire life, and I've come to this conclusion: this organization has combed the earth for the most evil and heartless individuals they can find to work for them. After all, who else would want to walk around all day handing out yellow pieces of paper except for the most evil individuals on the planet?\nHowever, I've cracked their code and figured out how they're screwing us all. If you're like me and don't have a campus parking permit, it's cheaper to block a fire lane than it is to illegally park in a designated zone. See, they'll give you a $35 ticket for parking illegally in some distant "E" lot, but it will only cost you $30 to block an emergency lane or fire hydrant. \nDoes this make sense? Of course not. See, they realized long ago that there are far more parking violations in their little zones than there are in fire lanes, which means more money for them, less for you. So if you're searching for a spot and want to endanger the lives of hundreds, block the fire trucks! At least it'll save you a few dollars.\nIU Parking Operations claimed, in a Jan. 29 IDS story, they charge such an exorbitant rate for violations so they can build more facilities for parking, which cost money to use. So I pay a fine to build a facility which I then have to pay to use. It's no wonder we have such a good business school. \nIf that weren't enough, I think I've uncovered perhaps the biggest waste of spending in the entire galaxy. Can you believe we're actually paying people to sit in a booth across from the HPER to make sure only vehicles with an "A" permit go through? Have you seen these people when a car without the sacred permit goes through? It's as if humanity itself is about to end. \n"No, you can't go through there! You're not good enough!" I hate to burst these people's bubbles, but I've got a suggestion to replace them, and it's a hell of a lot cheaper. It's called a gate.\nNow I'm faced with a decision as to how to pay off my horrendous offense. I'm leaning towards nickels. I think 700 of them will do the trick, to pay off my $35 ticket.\nYou see, it's hard to get back at people who have so much power (including, but not limited to, a pale blue uniform and a pencil), but I'm convinced there are ways. I'm a huge fan of retribution, and I often dream of shouting obscenities at them while I illegally park in every parking space on this campus. My dream is to find out where these people live and rent an 18-wheeler and place it on their front lawn. Tow that, lady! \nWhat this campus needs is a big rally. One that encompasses all the anger we have towards this evil institution, one that stands for all that is true and right with the world, one that involves big metallic fish recently returned to Showalter Fountain.\nI'm convinced we can take these people down. So the next time you see them putting something on someone's windshield, tell them to knock it off. Tell them you hate 'em. \nJust don't tell them where I'm parked.