A pouty breed of feminism

"Spoiled Rotten." "Princess." "Brat." "Sexy." "Flirt." "Gold Digger." "Vampire Slut" (goth-pop version). Flirty summaries of our vixenhood make cataloging easy. Bumper stickers for babes. It's chic to be childish, but still seductive. Hey, loosen up, it's just fashion, right? \n The message on your shirt doesn't tell you who to be. OK, granted. But it must mean something. Plus, I've yet to see men wearing tight shirts that say "Chump," "Meat Head," "Jock" or "Schmuck." And female students with Playboy Bunny logos on their T-shirts never go make-up free or wear reasonable pants. Why would they, unless to confuse?\n"Gold Digger" is my favorite. I saw a woman with one on the other day. It was a tight black shirt with the phrase silk-screened in gold across the chest. It might have been darkly funny, a silly gag to wear on a first date, even sarcastic nostalgia, had women left the role behind years ago. Sure, college M.R.S. jokes have faded, but pop culture has reincarnated them and subtly changed the punchline. Not only, say pop delineators, are women fishing for rich men to finance their lust for luxury, but they are being brats about it.\nThey are banking on the feminization of childishness to render tantrums and egocentrism sexy. Is this too good to be true? Can I finally act up and actually attract people rather than drive them away like I did when I was 13? The fun wears off quickly. The true result of such a trend? Disempowerment. Flip on the tube and witness Ally McBeal, pitching a fit. When asked, "What makes your problems so much more serious and insurmountable than everyone else's?" She answers, "Because they're mine."\nBut ask any of these girls wearing "Brat" or "Gold Digger" T-shirts around school if she dreams of a romance based on juvenile wheedling and sex-for-Gucci transactions. She'll say "no." Our affection for retro-nostalgia wear shouldn't recycle the idea that women are objects to be bought and men are sugar-daddies to be tapped. Let's leave some things in the past. The clothing industry, cosmetics and Hollywood producers are resurrecting old-fashioned stereotypes of gold-digging hussies with an added brat feature. I'd like to know why women are eating it up.\nI checked to see if it answered my primal female need to pout. Nope. Couldn't even find the need. What I did find were about 3,000 references, beauty tips and lipsticks on the Internet for attaining perfectly pouty lips.\nWhat's there to pout about? What would it accomplish? Glass ceilings, harassment and abortion clinic terrorism don't go away no matter how perfect our pout. Tantrums are equally ineffectual. Ditto for pitching fits. Can't you just reach out and touch the conspiracy theory taking shape? \nWomen are being told, by every voice imaginable, that childish brattiness is the sexiest way to deal with their lives. Ladies, we want to be attractive, right? Don your pout and hop in your Barbie Jeep! Whoa, but how did I suddenly get so, well, ineffectual? It used to be wrinkle-free skin that middle-aged women regretted losing. Now 20-somethings can pine for their screechy 13-year-old personalities from post-puberty.\nMaybe it's a new form of female assertiveness. It's Grrrl power to say "me first!" It's spunky to be a self-proclaimed diva! Mariah Carey just fessed up to being one, to the numb disbelief of hotel attendants who will never again forget to put pink-patterned toilet paper in her bathroom. It's getting to be a coming out event for most female stars. Throwing a tantrum is a rite of womanhood.\nIt could also be a marketing device: Be a brat and more people will go to your movies. Flash a little bit o' brat and moviegoers suddenly find you sexier. Thus, another way corporate profit-grubbing influences us, the grubs.\nWe all know two basic categories: face-slapping Shannen Doughertys and Courtney Loves or girl-next-door Meg Ryans and Sandra Bullocks. Why does "spunk" manifest not as wit or conviction, but as rugrat gall? Maybe this is progress. Perhaps it means women are done being caregivers, team players, nurturers and selfless, loamy loins from which life springs. \nLateral relationships are no longer more important than vertical. They want to exercise the self-centeredness they see in males who get to watch football -- even the pimply, bookish ones' sacred answering -- while good women sweat and scuttle to produce a Thanksgiving dinner and clean up afterward. Fine. Get some payback for all the duties and maturity you've been saddled with way earlier than guys. Be selfish. Be crass. But make it full-grown and buy your own stuff.