Week of the living-dead
If college is to prepare students for the cold, ravaged wasteland that lies outside the pearly Sample Gates, then there's one lesson white-collared slaves-to-be must learn during their brief tenures. Freshmen, we hate being the one to break this to you, but it's better that you learn now than have your bright-eyed optimism slowly beaten out by the University's two-by-four of disappointment over the next few years. What we are about to tell you will hurt more than learning the truth about Santa Claus: the disbelief, the anger, the betrayal. You have to stay strong because the next paragraph will expose the raw malevolence that courses through the veins of the faculty.

