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(06/22/06 4:00am)
Let's get some things straight first: I am not all that familiar with Sonic Youth's works. I have dabbled briefly in Sonic-Youthry, having heard bits and pieces from their many records in the last couple of years. And I can tell you that they are very talented group of musicians, and that I enjoy their music immensely (what I've heard thus far). That being said, there isn't a lot of background info that I can provide you. \nSonic Youth are one of those bands that mature a little more with every album (I've lost track of how many albums they've put out now). They are a mature band to begin with, and they are getting older and older, but that's not the point. The point is that there is some great songwriting and musicianship present here. \nRather Ripped starts off very mellow, with the female third of Sonic Youth's vocal team Kim Gordon (she plays bass as well) singing with a syrupy quality that is soothing but rough and off key at the same time. The other Gordon tracks vary in mood from somber to chill, to a little more energetic. Gordon's tracks stand out and shine in regards to the other two male vocalists (not being sexist here); and "Turquoise Boy" (the longest track on the album at 6:14) is simply outstanding: very haunting and epic with some beautiful lyrics.\nSurprisingly, there is quite a bit of variety in these 12 tracks, although they happen to be very similar in mood at times. Singer number two, Thurston Moore, muses on the rockin', yet slightly overproduced "Sleepin' Around," and mumbles and rambles about something or other on the album's interesting closer "Or." His tracks are the weakest of the three vocalists, but they are by no means bad.\nFor the most part, this album is very mellow and chill with beautiful poetic lyrics. But at the same time, there are some rockin' tracks, that are confined, and don't get too out of control with noise as Sonic Youth is known for. The odd guitar tuning is still here as well. Sonic Youth's final vocalist, Lee Ranaldo, has one lonely track on this album. "Rats" is very feedback and solo friendly, being probably the noisiest track on this album aside from the noise at the end of "Turquoise Boy."\nSonic Youth is a paradigm of a band. Noisy guitars coalesce with sweet melodies in a way that no other band in modern rock has been able to do. Twenty-five years and running, the Youth aren't exactly youthful anymore, but the heartfelt energy that they bring to their music is stronger than ever. This album is darker and relatively shorter when compared to their other releases (if 51 minutes is short…well, for Sonic Youth it is) and they let melody overpower songwriting. A great album for fans and newcomers alike, Rather Ripped could contend for best alternative album of 2006, hands down.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
I can't tell you exactly what's missing from the new Futureheads album, News and Tributes. But what I will say is that it lacks pop sensibility; or more importantly, enough of it.\nThere was something about their self-titled first release that made it work. It wouldn't have been fair to call it gimmicky, even if they were the resurrection of Rockapella with feedback and off-beats. The Futureheads knew how to write a hook, and they had a good one in almost every song. \nI've listened to News and Tributes about a dozen times over the last few days, and it's got a lot of the same. Everything is tight. They still make frequent stops in the ruckus to harmonize at oddly appropriate times. And they still aren't interested in maintaining a four-beat tempo. But, like every band should, they've attempted to grow and expand on their sound. And all I'm saying, man, is that they went the wrong way, and ended up sounding gloomy. Lots of minor keys. Still works, but not as well.\nThe album starts out with the same pace as its predecessor, but the anthemic "Yes/No" is markedly dissimilar than 2003's "A to B" … because this time around, the Futureheads have discovered the concept of echo. From there, they move onto "Cope," which is just as loud but twice as angry as anything you've heard them play before. \nAfter "Skip to the End" and "Fallout" prove to be more throwaway than noteworthy, the band regains its pace with "Burnt," which is heavy on the surf guitar. You can almost hear Frank Black babbling incoherently on "Trompe le Monde."\nThe following title track would have fit right in on the first album had the band been in a state of depression. If I may wax poetic, it reminds me of a morning bell under gray skies and the promise of a shitty day on an assembly line. And it doesn't segue into white-noise cacophony of "The Return of the Berserker" at all. \nAnd right about here you'll forget what you're listening to. You'll drift listlessly for a few tracks, disappointed that a band that has so much potential could miss so hard. And then, you come to "Favours for Favours" to save you from an energy-draining sophomore attempt. By far the best track on the album, even if it may be the most user-friendly and radio-ready, its sing-along and uplifting. And that is the Futureheads at their best. \nI wouldn't call News and Tributes misguided, because it's apparent the band knows what it's doing. I would definitely, though, call it a misfire. You could do worse by picking this up, but you could definitely do better.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
When reviewing a live concert album, it's hard to decide whether to review it as if it were a real album, or to review the performance itself. However, when doing the latter, it is significantly more difficult having not attended the show(s). What makes it even more difficult, it's Billy Joel: a nostalgia act. However, taking all these factors into consideration, 12 Gardens Live rocks and rolls for over two and a half hours, and will not disappoint Joel's fans. The album is a compilation of 12 live performances at Madison Square Garden, featuring Joel mainstays: "Only the Good Die Young," "My Life" and of course, "Piano Man."\nJoel's backing band packs an extra punch on already powerful tunes like, "It's Still Rock and Roll To Me." The small horn section really thickens up the instrumentation, while the electric guitar helps keep Joel's piano honest throughout. On "Piano Man," Joel plays harmonica, simultaneously sitting at the piano.\nIt's impressive that Joel can still sell out multiple shows at one venue, some 35 years after his debut album. It proves that he's one of the original superstars of pop music. While today's radio is flooded with preteen bubble gum rock/pop, Joel is the father of the Top 40 pop song. The casual Billy Joel fan will be surprised at how many songs he may recognize or even be able to sing. On this album Joel showcases his unbelievable writing talent, and allows the crowd to sing the chorus to "Piano Man." Unlike other performers of his age, his craft has not dropped off, and his voice may even be better with age. It is truly refreshing to hear some of the songs that I grew up with being played in a live setting.\nThe production on the album lacks at times, occasionally allowing too much crowd noise to break through the music. Despite this minor problem, the rest of the production is done painstakingly well with just the right combination of horns, drums, guitars, pianos, all without an overpowering vocal track.\nSome lesser-known, breakthrough tracks really hold their own among the mega hits on the album: "Vienna," "And So It Goes" and "Miami 2017." With over 30 songs (two bonus tracks) Mr. Joel truly is "The Entertainer," but it still isn't enough. Joel leaves his listeners chanting "Encore, encore"
(06/22/06 4:00am)
The best band of the 90s? Sorry Kurt, Eddie and Thom, that honor belongs to a little band called Pavement, an unlikely group of indie-rock underdogs who made some of the best music of the last 15 years. Well-read and well-rounded, Pavement's biggest strength was combining the sweet with the jagged, being influenced equally by the pretty melodicism of early R.E.M. and the Fall as they were by the White Light/White Heat-era noise freak-outs of the Velvet Underground. \nWhile their first two albums, Slanted and Enchanted and Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain are the ones usually associated with "classic" status, the band truly peaked with 1995s Wowee Zowee, an eclectic "whatever goes" masterpiece. Songs of surreal beauty stand side by side with sublimely weird art-punk tracks, and somehow it all works out in the end.\nWowee Zowee, for all its weirdness, contains some of the best songs Pavement ever recorded. "Grounded" is a statement of stunning grandeur, a power ballad for the indie-rock generation. For "Father to a Sister of Thought" the band sounds like they got lost in Nashville, but made the best of it anyway, and "Blackout" is nearly perfect; two minutes of breezy ringing guitars, ideal for a Sunday drive. \nIf you tire of the more standard numbers (which you never will), the loud and crazy side of Wowee Zowee is there to keep you interested. Both the punkish minute-long blast of "Serpentine Pad" and the demented "Flux=Rad" are a ton of fun, and sound great blaring out a car stereo. \nFrontman/mastermind/guitarist Stephen Malkmus, as always is on top form here. His lyrics are at once silly and profound, always being too ambiguous to take themselves wholly serious. Malkmus' biggest asset though is his guitar playing. Something of a thinking man's guitar hero, his thoughtful parts and arrangements keep these songs fresh. His lack of technical grace is more than made up for by pure inspiration and naïve exploration as proved by the meandering solo at the end of "Rattled by the Rush" or the soaring climax of "Pueblo." \nWowee Zowee is one of those records that always has something new for you. Its 18 tracks are so varied that it never becomes stale. It's the sound of a band taking chances and doing whatever they wanted, and luckily taking us along for the ride.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
If big budget, over-the-top action movies are your drug of choice, then chances are you're familiar with the work of Shane Black. You see, during the late 1980s and early '90s, Black was the highest paid action film scribe ever. He jumped onto the scene with his witty script for the hugely successful "Lethal Weapon" and then penned all three sequels that followed. He helped keep Bruce Willis' career afloat with the extremely over-the-top, testosterone fueled "The Last Boy Scout," did a Schwarzenegger flick with "Last Action Hero" and even managed to fit in some acting (you might remember him as Hawkins in the "welcome to the jungle" sci-fi alien hunting action film "Predator"). "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang," the film that marks Black's directorial debut, is his homage/satirical look at the kind of big budget, extreme action films that made him a Hollywood powerhouse. And it's really good. \n"Kiss Kiss" tells the story of Harry Lockhart (Robert Downey Jr.), a fast talking, savvy thief from New York who stumbles into an acting audition by accident and ends up in L.A. training with a private eye named Gay Perry (Val Kilmer). Perry begins working a murder case involving a rich Hollywood son of a bitch (Corbin Bernsen) and a naïve girl from Indiana. While the plot sounds ridiculous, extreme and a bit confusing (and it is all of these things) "Kiss Kiss" actually does a fairly good job landing a coherent mystery story by the end of the film.\nThe film is narrated by Lockhart who spends much of the time trying to figure out why he is in L.A. to begin with while also talking to the audience about stereotypical action movie themes and characters. While the film could have been nothing more than yet another action movie for his canon, Black chooses to use this film as a way to comment on the American blockbusters that made him a millionaire.\nThe film is extremely well written and each actor brings something different to the roles. Downey Jr. has always been somewhat of a nervous character actor, but here, even when he is ranting to the camera during his narration montages, he seems very comfortable with the role. Kilmer's Gay Perry treads the waters of gay stereotypes in film but chances are this was the point of his role. \n"Kiss Kiss" did horribly upon its theatrical release last year and hopefully its recent DVD release will garner it with the cult film status it deserves. The film is very funny, has its share of good old-fashioned American film action and also says a lot about Hollywood social/film politics. \nThe single-disc DVD is minimal but does feature a great commentary track by Black, Kilmer and Downey Jr., and a fairly amusing gag reel. The commentary track is the real gem here though as the players comment on the film's unbelievably low budget for an action film, bizarre stories from the set and of course, some of Black's twisted and funny intentions with some of the characters.\n"Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" is not for everyone. Those interested in seeing an average popcorn action flick may be turned off by the film's satirical ways and some of the humor may be too dark or twisted for some. This being said, people should still give this film a shot. It is smart, never once insulting our intelligence, is well acted and above all, is funny.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
You are given one task: transfer a witness, who is to testify at a very important court hearing, 16 blocks to the court house. Sounds pretty easy, right? Wrong. Try doing that while having a number of NYPD officers following you in attempt to kill the witness you are transporting. \nIn Richard Donner's "16 Blocks," Bruce Willis (Sin City) plays detective Jack Mosley. Upon leaving the police station around 8 a.m., Jack is asked to perform one simple duty before heading home. Tired from investigating a case earlier that morning and desperate to get home, Jack is forced to accept the job. He is now responsible for transporting Eddie Bunker (played by rapper Mos Def) from police custody to the courthouse, just 16 blocks away, all before 10 a.m. There he is to testify as a witness against a high profile case which could ruin the lives of many cops. \nWhat should be an easy task begins to change when detective Mosley decides to stop for a drink (yes, at 8 in the morning), leaving the witness handcuffed in the back of his car. A car which has been following them pulls up and attempts to kill Eddie before the shooter is killed by Jack. Jack and Eddie are also able to escape a second shooter. This all sets off a huge hunt for the two, led by officer Fred Nugent (David Morse), as cops are desperate to have Eddie dead. Jack is determined to get Eddie to the court house on time, even if that means betraying his ex-partner, officer Nugent. "Blocks" leaves one of the main themes running through your mind, and that is, no matter how bad a guy has been, is he able to change and should he be allowed a second chance?\nBruce Willis delivers yet another remarkable performance, seemingly getting better with age, and Mos Def is a surprisingly good actor as well. It's not very often that a rapper is successfully able to crossover into acting (just look at 50 Cent, for example).\nThe DVD includes deleted scenes from the movie as well as an alternate ending that can be viewed separately or incorporated into the film. I watched the movie with both endings and personally think that the ending released in theatres was much better; it was more complete. If you like some of the previous works from director Richard Donner, which includes the Lethal Weapon movies, "Conspiracy Theory" and "Superman," you will enjoy "16 Blocks." This fast paced thriller will keep your attention with the many twists it has to reveal.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
Released nearly in tandem with Sam Peckinpah's "The Wild Bunch" in 1969, George Roy Hill's "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" replaces that film's brutal violence and questionable characters with light humor and a far more likeable band of wrongdoers led by the already iconic Paul Newman and a fresh-faced Robert Redford in one of his first high-profile starring roles.\nCommencing with one of the most effective character introductions in modern movie history, it's not long before Paul Newman is free-spiritedly cavorting on a bicycle to B.J. Thomas' "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head." Therein lies both the fundamental problem and key strength of the film; essentially a revisionist western and buddy picture that turns the tables on previous genre conceptions while poking fun (sometimes too much fun and with too many one-liners for its own good) at both the genres and itself.\nWith luminescent cinematography from Conrad L. Hall and a punchy, spry script by William Goldman, "Butch" is a joy to watch, even if its humor becomes a bit cloying after an hour or so. Newman and Redford bubble over with the star quality that knighted the film box office platinum, and the plot never becomes overwrought or bogged down in unnecessary details. A classic example of American revisionism of the western mystique, "Butch" belongs on the shortlist of late 1960's classics, but the company it resides near on the American Film Institute's Top 100 Films list ("Clockwork Orange," "Taxi Driver," "Jaws," "Amadeus," "Vertigo") greatly overshadows it.\nDisc 1 boasts insightful commentary from director Hill and screenwriter Goldman, as well as invaluable input from the late cinematographer Hall, and Disc 2 of this set doesn't skimp on the features. The excellent 2005 making-of documentary "All Of What Follows is True" is accompanied by a similar but lesser 1994 doc, while cast interviews from 1994 shed more light on the film, but one can't help but wish Redford and Newman had agreed to share more of their thoughts on the film in 2006. Two more worthy docs, "The Wild Bunch: The True Tale of Butch & Sundance" and "History Through the Lens: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: Outlaws Out of Time" reveal just how much of the film is based on fact while offering up interesting tidbits on the real-life outlaws on which the film was patterned.\nHill, Newman, and Redford would collaborate again four years later on "The Sting," where they actually seemed like they were having more fun that they did here. Listed at #50 on the AFI's list of the greatest films ever made, "Butch" is unquestionably overrated, especially in retrospect, but that doesn't change the fact that it's still an incredibly well-made and enjoyable sliver of Americana.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
Each time Rockstar Games bestows a new "Grand Theft Auto" adventure upon us is cause for renewed celebration. After shaking the gaming world to its knees with "Grand Theft Auto III" in 2001, Rockstar upped the ante with "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" in 2002, and just when you thought they'd pushed the format past its limits, along came "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" to shatter all expectations again. When "Liberty City Stories" was released last year exclusively to the PSP portable system, everyone knew a PS2 version couldn't be far behind. It's here and, retailing at only $19.99, it's a literal steal.\nThe year: 1998. Liberty City is still the same crime-congested cesspool that gamers came to love in 2001 with "GTA III." You play as Tony Cipriani; a man who is living proof that nothing spices up one's life more than being an errand boy for the city's most influential and ambitious organized crime family. The map takes you from the slums of Portland, to the skyscrapers of Staunton Island, to the ritzy suburbs of Shoreside Vale, each area rife with missions ranging from the entertaining to the near-impossible. The same sick humor we've come to expect from the GTA series, bolstered by radio deejays Lazlow and Michael "axe wound" Hunt, is ever-present, and by the end of the game you'll be thirsty for Rockstar's next GTA installment, announced for October 16, 2007 on PS3 and Xbox 360.\nThe PS2 incarnation is mostly identical to the PSP version, albeit with slightly crisper graphics, a better controller configuration and lacking the negligible multiplayer option seen on the PSP. The soundtrack, featuring everyone from The Sneaker Pimps and Method Man to Cloud Nineteen and Danger Mouse, is as varied as in any of the previous GTA outings, and sounds a lot better out of your TV speakers than the PSP's audio output. The most notable improvement from the PSP release is the implementation of the PS2 controller's far freer range of movement and camera control, nearly equaling "GTA: San Andreas'" optimal controls.\nThose who already own the game for PSP would still benefit from playing it on a bigger screen with dual analog controls, despite the lack of multiplayer. While not on a level with the sprawling buffet of gaming perfection served up in "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas," "Liberty City Stories" still satisfies fans of the series with endlessly twisted humor, a dense plot thread, an excellent soundtrack and second-to-none driving mechanics. With over 100 fun and frustrating missions, as well as a bevy of new characters to meet and do business with, Liberty City beckons once more.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
You're never going to believe what happened to me. This week I took a vacation and rented a lake house. Upon arriving I found a note in the mailbox from the owner, Sandra, asking me to keep the place clean and all the usual rental requests. However, I noticed that the letter was dated 2008. Impossible I thought. So I sent Sandra a letter back saying, "don't worry the house is in good hands, but by the way, it's only 2006."\n"Impossible, she replied. "For argument's sake, what is today's date?" she asked.\n"Its June 22, 2006," I said. \n"No, it's June 22, 2008," she corrected me. "It's the same day two years apart. Well clearly this is some type of miracle," Sandra exclaimed. "This must be fate telling us something, we're soul mates, we're meant for each other, now we just need to figure out a way to meet."\nYeah, love is pretty good I thought, but I'm talking to somebody from the future, screw love, I want to know what's happened in the world of entertainment in the last two years. So I asked.\n"Well what do you want to know about," Sandra said.\n"'Superman Returns,' how amazing is it?"\n"That movie comes out next week, you can't wait six days?"\n"No of course not," I screamed. "Don't tell anyone, but I secretly cry myself to sleep in anticipation every night. But I guess you're right, I'll just wait in agony. Fine, how did 'Snakes on a Plane' turn out? Sure, we're all pumped to watch Samuel L. fight some motherfuckin' snakes on a plane, but are audiences going to get bored of it after 20 minutes?"\n"How dare you doubt 'Snakes on a Plane,'" Sandra shouted at me. "No, it doesn't get old, how could anybody get sick of snakes on planes? Actually, it caused quite a controversy when just months after its release there were some copycat murders."\n"Shut up, you're telling me somebody actually released snakes on a plane?"\n"Yep, but everything ended up being fine because Dr. 90210 was on the flight and he totally kicked the snakes' asses."\n"So the movie was a hit then? Well it's nice to know that the American public will refuse to watch terrorists highjack a plane in 'United 93' but have no problem if it's snakes that take down the aircraft.\n"Oh, by the way, Here's a little something for you," Sandra told me as I pulled a scarf out of the mailbox. "There was a freak blizzard in the summer of 2006."\n"What?!? June snow?" I screamed. "Ahhh, Al Gore wasn't lying, his documentary 'An Inconvenient Truth' was true, the world's gone to shit, the ice caps really are melting!"\n"No, turns out that 'South Park' episode was right; Al Gore is just really lonely."\n"Well what about Jennifer Aniston? Has she finally admitted she's dating Vince Vaughn?"\n"Nope, not yet, technically it should be their three-year anniversary but she still thinks denying it will prevent tabloids from stalking them."\n"Martin Scorsese has another movie, 'The Departed,' coming out this year," I said. "Is 2007 finally the year Marty gets his Oscar? Or does he lose again to another actor turned director?"\n"Well Marty still didn't get his Oscar, It went to David R. Ellis for 'Snakes on a Plane.'"\n"Hey the Olsen twins turned 20 last week, but what happened when they hit the big 21."\n"Oh, that was not pretty," Sandra replied. "While hitting all the hot night clubs on their first night of legal drinking the twins decided to do 21 birthday shots, but because they only weigh a combined total of 21 pounds they passed out in a dumpster. In the morning when they woke up covered in garbage bags, newspaper, and torn rags they just thought they had gone on a shopping spree."\n"Well how's Britney Spears doing these days? Is she still with the Federline? Are her children still alive?" I asked.\n"Yes her children are fine and unfortunately she's still with the Fed. And there still hasn't been a comeback album. She's yet to figure out that the media she claims bashes her so much might support her return if she didn't look like roadkill and burned any evidence that 'Chaotic' ever existed."\n"'Lost' must be on its fifth season now, are they still stuck on the island?"\n"Yes, but word is that this is the last season and they've hired M. Night Shyamalan to write a big twist ending for the finale, so you know it's going to suck."\nAt this point I decided to go lay out on the beach. But Sandra freaked out.\n"What about true love? We need to figure out how to time travel and meet," she begged. Sorry Sandra, I need some sun.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
One of the most intriguing new reality shows I've been watching recently is "The Hills," a spin off of MTV's "Laguna Beach" in which LC moves to Los Angeles to take classes at an art school and intern at Teen Vogue. \nBut what's intriguing about the show isn't LC's internship, her absurdly nice apartment or her idiotic roommate Heidi -- well actually it's a little of all of it (except for Heidi, she's just dumb). The most intriguing part of the show is the fact that MTV has blurred the lines of reality TV so much that it seems many of the events on "The Hills" are staged or written.\nMTV has headed in this direction for a while. They started the genre with "The Real World," where everything seems real enough other than the beautiful house and the jobs given to the cast members. The aforementioned "Laguna Beach," which is seemingly realistic (minus the fact that it focuses on one of the wealthiest areas in the country), for the first time spurred debate about how much of the show was actually real. Rumors arose about Kristin Cavallari actually being from Chicago (her parents are divorced so this is half true). The fact that people on the show often seem to randomly cross each other's paths seems questionable as well, considering they're being followed around by camera crews. Yet, at the beginning of each episode was a disclaimer stating that all the events were real, and I for one believe everything MTV tells me, so case closed on "Laguna."\nWhich brings us to "The Hills." There is no disclaimer saying the show is real. I'll let the amazing LA apartment with the spiral staircase slide, since MTV's done that before with "Real World." But the internship at Teen Vogue? When MTV gives jobs to the Real World cast members, they're real jobs -- but they really only affect people within the bubble of the show, which is basically the city it is being filmed in. In short, they're local jobs.\nBut Teen Vogue is a national magazine. Not to put down LC's credentials, but I'd be interested to know what kind of strings MTV pulled to set that up. And why would Teen Vogue refuse? They get publicity on a hit show and a new intern to boss around.\nAnd have you seen the clips of LC's job? They made her and her co-worker change clothes their first day to look "more Teen Vogue." Then on her first job assignment, LC was responsible for guarding a VIP area. Not only did she allow people to sit in the restricted area, the people she let through were her friends who weren't even on the list to the party but she snuck in anyway. Are you kidding me?!? Then to top it off, the next day at work LC was scolded not for doing the exact opposite of what she was supposed to, but because her friends were drunk and caused a minor disturbance. If this is happening in reality, I need to move to LA immediately.\nThen there's LC's roommate Heidi. This is a girl who went into a job interview and said she doesn't like to go to school, has had few, if any jobs, and that she wants to be a party planner, but isn't willing to put in the effort at the ground level and work her way up. What happens next? She gets a job! Once again, there seems to be a certain aspect of 'reality' missing from the show.\nFinally, on this week's episode LC randomly gets a message from her old Laguna boyfriend Jason. Convenient timing, J-Wal, telling your girlfriend you miss her and want to meet up during the fourth episode leaves a whole season of possible guest appearances for you. The kid's got timing.\nNevertheless, many people (myself included) love to watch "The Hills." It's a fantasy played out in the real world. As a regular TV show, why would anyone care about some girl who's an intern at some crappy magazine and hangs out with her stupid friends? But in the real world, the belief that all of this is going on as you and I live today adds a bit of excitement.\nWith enough success, "The Hills" could change the reality TV genre the way people thought Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood" was going to change non-fiction writing. No more producer brain trusts sitting in a room thinking of ridiculous contrived situations and games for people to participate in (which seems like the easiest job on earth) -- but instead there could be a movement back towards the basics of television, the writing.
(06/22/06 4:00am)
Relive Bonnaroo. Read the Blogaroo archives.
(06/21/06 10:27pm)
It was tens of thousands of things for tens of thousands of people. Bonnaroo rose to epic proportions in its fifth year, with immense diverse lineups that rocked attendees all day and all through the night. Not since inward singing has non-stop rocking been possible.\nHighlights included a landmark performance by Radiohead, strong performances by legends Buddy Guy, Tom Petty and Elvis Costello, unique collaborations forming super groups, and dozens more jam, reggae, funk, hip-hop, international and indie-rock bands making their mark. For up to sixteen hours a day festival-goers had a plethora of musicians, comedians, artists, and shopping to keep them busy at what G.Love and the Special Sauce frontman called "The Party o the Year." \nThe scene was a slight change from years past where jam bands dominated the festival. Joel Cummins, keyboardist from \nBonnaroo mainstay Umphrey's Mcgee, welcomed the change.\n"It's always been a part of the scene," Cummins said of the addition of non-jam bands. "It's important to bring in freshness. It's just a bigger deal this year because it's the headliners."\nBonnaroo has traditionally showcased primarily jam bands, but Tom Petty and Radiohead drew the two biggest crowds through Saturday. All day and night, bands competed with up to four or five others for an audience's attention, but giving Petty and Radiohead uncontested stage time proved wise. \nFor Petty's set, masses of fans filled up almost every inch of the enormous venue, pushing practically all the way back to the security checkpoint. The heartland boy had a well received show full of classic hits, "Last Dance with Mary Jane," "Free Falling," "American Girl" and countless others.\n"Tom Petty is great," said fan Scott Kampmeyer. "He's one of those guys that could play for three hours and you'd know every song." \nWhile Jam bands aren't the focus anymore, they still have a major presence at Bonnaroo. A super jam Saturday night and into Sunday morning brought together members from Phish and The Grateful Dead, the unquestionable pioneers of jam music. Those not too exhausted from all day rocking were treated to Trey Anastasio and Mike Gordon of Phish in addition to Phil Lesh from the Dead. Moe, Phil Lesh and Friends, Medeski, Martin and Wood were among the big name jam bands making their presence felt. \nContinuing their perfect attendance at Bonnaroo was Umphrey's McGee, who put on a spectacular midnight show, with a seamless handoff to fellow jam-band the Disco Biscuits. The two shared the midnight to four a.m. time slot Friday night, coming together for a memorable four song set of covers. The pairing sounded like old friends singing along to the car stereo as they belted out classic rock staples. "Baby You're a Rich Man," by the Beatles was followed by Pink Floyd's epics "Another Brick in the Wall," "Brain Damage," and "Eclipse"\nCover songs gave a further indication of the influences of the bands and allowed fans to hear classics given a new spin. Nickel Creek's well received, blue-grass set was interjected with a version of Radiohead's "Nice Dream," sounding great with a male and female voice harmonizing. \nBeck paid omage to Radiohead with a quick acoustic version of "Creep." It was the first single from Radiohead, which came out in 1994, the same year as Beck's "Loser." Though it's preposterous to think now, the two songs temporarily pigeon-holed the two acts into nineties one-hit wonders, instead of what they've become, two of the most prolific artists of the last decade. \nBeck put on a show in every sense of the word. A minature set with puppets clad in the same clothes as the band mimicked every movement of the band as Beck rocked his half acoustic, half funky incredibly funny, rocking set. Halfway into the set the band sat down at a table on stage and ate dinner, waiter and all, as Beck played acoustic songs from "Sea Change." As the band wrapped up, they used their cups and silverware like kids around a table at camp, banging in perfect percussion. The puppets even ate dinner and banged away as they were displayed proudly on monitors that showed a hilarious video the band had prepared. Comedy aside, the show rocked out for an audience stirring with excitement for the upcoming Radiohead show. \nDozens more favorites put on memorable shows in the non-stop rocking festival. Oysterhead's collaboration of Trey Anastacio from Phish, Stewart Copeland from The Police, and bassist Les Claypool getting rave reviews. Dacning was prevalent throughout Robert Randolph's slide guitar set, and though Death Cab for Cutie gave indie-rock fans their fill of hits, many sat down for the solid set. Damian Marley rocked one stage with his own well received songs and a few covers of his dad as Beck rocked the stage nearby. Buddy Guy had people of all ages getting down to his legendary blues, and growing fan favorite Matisyahu put on two sets that had people "l'chaim-ing" like there was no tomorrow.\nWhile the show was a chance to see some old favorites, it was a big chance to see new ones. Devotchka and Cat Empire kept coming up as surprising break out acts. Devotchka's violin-filled gypsy rock had fans making interesting claims. One fan loved the way they captured the crowds attention.\n"It's the happiest evil polka ever," said fan Jen Powers. "They have good stage presence and they're sweet." \nCat Empire's funky, horn section and rocking set had them hailed as the surprise of Thursday evenings shows. dios (malos) was another break out act from the first night of shows. The singer's voice floated above the rocking band and wild-eyed drummer. \nPerformers saw the festival as a way to check out other acts as well. Robert Randolph was one of many eager to see Radiohead, joking that he'd love to play his trademark slide guitar over their set. Abundant shows at all times made for tough decisions on who to see. Ricky Skaggs even admitted his own kids would be checking out Robert Randolph instead of his show.
(06/21/06 10:17pm)
Every year for one weekend in June, a 700 acre farm in Manchester, Tennessee is transformed into a village of over 80,000 people. People flock to Bonnaroo's temporary camp ground to be a part of a tight knit community full of vendors with their own unique stories.\nOne visitor, Adam, would accept anything from a dollar to a banana in exchange for his merchandise. He has been coming to Bonnaroo since it started in 2002, and said he has been coming to festivals like this one since he was 14 years old. Sitting between campers on the side of one of the streets within the campground known for its vending, Adam made and sold his buttons which he called "Circular, historical, biblical documents of hippie art and culture." \nKraig Smith from Louisville, Kentucky was selling stickers at his campsite to help pay for his twhree dollar per gallon gasoline. Smith heard about the festival from friends who had been before and traveled with those veterans of Bonnaroo for his first year. Like the phrases on his stickers hinted, Smith was also an avid white-water rafter. He had been to festivals for white-water rafting, but those were much smaller than Bonnaroo. "80,000 cars and tents self contained, and everybody gets along. It's the darndest thing," said Smith. Some of his favorite musical acts at this year's festival were Tom Petty, Elvis Costello, Radiohead, and Buddy Guy. What he enjoyed most though, were the "Bonnaroo babes."\nGreg Whiteside began going to Phish festivals in the 1990's and viewed Bonnaroo as the next natural progression and has been at every one. This year Whiteside was selling breakfast burritos and grilled cheese sandwiches with the option of added vegetables. He said he usually sells food for about four or five hours in the morning and then goes to watch the musical acts. He enjoys vending food. "I just bread and cheese and butter and if I don't sell it, I don't care." Whiteside said.\nCamping next to Whiteside was Noah Miller. During what was Miller's fourth Bonnaroo, he sold posters and glass work. Miller said he picks out five or six shows to go see and spends the rest of his time out in the camp ground vending. "It's so good to come and have a good time and meet people and talk to them," Miller said. "Everybody's so kind and so nice to each other. It's just a wonderful place to be." Both Miller and Whiteside expressed discontent with the absence of The Dave Matthews Band and Widespread Panic who performed at the previous Bonnaroo. "I really miss the Dave Matthews and the Widespread. I think that's really disappointing that they dropped both of them." Miller said. \n"Shit, they didn't drop Panic," Whiteside said. "Panic said 'fuck it, we're not doing Clear Channel shit.'" Clear Channel owns approximately 12,000 radio stations, more than 30 television stations in the United States.\nCharles Bender had been to Bonnaroo twice before as a guest, but this year was his first year working. He was working for a company called Event Staffing. "Basically all we do is just make sure people aren't too fucked up on drugs, you know or tripping their mind out, or no one's fighting." Bender said. While working as opposed to merely attending the event, Bender enjoyed such privileges as not having to purchase a ticket, being fed free meals, employee tents behind the stages, and showers. Bender said he had been working mostly 12-hour shifts during the day and was able to see most of the headliners at night. He said that things were pretty flexible and that if there was a particular show he wanted to see that was during his shift, he could go as long as he could find a buddy to cover for him. One incident that occurred while Bender was working this year was after the Tom Petty show. There was a man who ended up naked. "He was like really, brutally strong, I guess 'cause he was on a lot of drugs. It took about eight guys, eight big guys to hold him down and get him subdued," Bender said. "It took about half an hour. That was about the craziest thing I saw."\nDrew Lites was with some friends selling shots. Lites and friends encouraged fellow campers to stop and purchase a shot for their father because it was Father's Day. Lites, who described his home as a little po-dunk town in Ohio, had recently returned from Iraq. This was his second Bonnaroo and he was there to "let loose!" He said that when him and his friends come to Bonnaroo they vend some little to help pay for the cost of the trip. Lites said he tries to set up his camp site near other vending hot spots, but has been kicked out of spots before by more serious venders. He described Bonnaroo as the greatest spot on earth. "You don't have to be into the drug scene," Lites said. "You could come here stone sober and still have a good time. It's a good time no matter what." \nDennis Lane was attending his second Bonnaroo with his son. Lane said he had been to several music festivals similar to Bonnaroo such as the June Jam in Alabama which was only one day, but described Bonnaroo as the biggest and the best. He said the amount of people bothers some, but that it's what makes the festival for others. Lane was pleased that the event was spread out over multiple days to allow for more music. He said that it's hot, but it's fun. "They fence us all in, and let us do what we want." Lane said. One of his favorite aspects of the festival was the amount of different bands. "It's a place for a whole generation to blow off steam. It's a place for them to come and be a rebel for four days." Lane said. "But what are you rebelling against. You got it made." He laughed at the idea that so many people had left their "fine plumbing" to come to Bonnaroo for four days to rough it. While personal reasons for coming to Bonnaroo may vary, Lane believes most people come for a simple reason. "To get a t-shirt and say I was there," Lane said. "It's what it ends up. It's just war stories." Lane was not happy about the heat or having to use port-a-potties, but it was obvious that the positives outweighed the negatives for Lane as he bid his farewell, "See 'ya next year"
(06/21/06 10:13pm)
Well I made it back in one piece, one remarkably sore and sunburned piece. Unfortunately, I had to leave a day early so I missed out on Sunday's festivities. The downside is I missed Matisyahu, Sonic Youth, Atomosphere, Bela Fleck and Phil Lesh. The upside is I also missed out on the rainstorm that hit Tennessee Sunday night. Even though I missed those shows I feel that I got the full Bonnaroo experience so now comes the fun part, the recap.\nBest Concert of the festival goes to Radiohead hands down. They put on an incredible show that lived up to and surpassed my unreasonably high expectations. At first I wanted to slam them for only playing their hits, but then I realized they didn't just play their hits I just love every Radiohead song. I even loved the two new songs they played from their upcoming (sometime in the future if they ever figure it out) album. Second place goes to the Cat Empire, launched themselves from complete obscurity and really overshadowed a lot of the bigger names at the festival. \nBreakout performance was (no surprise) the Cat Empire. They were the band that really got the weekend off to a great start. Coming into the festival nobody had ever heard of the Australian band, but after their high energy set on Thursday night they were all that anyone was talking about (although some people including myself were calling them "the cat something-or-other"). Bonnaroo is not only a place to see your favorite bands, but also a venue for new artists to get their name out there and I don't think anyone did a better job than the Cat Empire. Second Place goes to Devotchka who really killed on the first day as well. They have a sort of Spanish folk-jazz-funk-gypsy thing going on that is hard to describe but fun to listen to.\nWorst concert I saw goes to Umphrey's McGee. All the hippie complaints can be sent to weekend@idsnews.com, you should receive your flippant response in three to five days. They were not bad but they definitely didn't bring it out for the festival like everyone else did. They tried with their Pink Floyd collaboration with the Disco Biscuits, but ultimately the entire thing was entirely forgettable.
(06/21/06 10:13pm)
What an incredible day of music. Buddy Guy, Elvis Costello, Beck, Radiohead and Superjam featuring Trey Anastasio and Mike Gordon of Phish And Phil Lesh from the Grateful Dead. Nothing short of a Beatles reunion could top that lineup.\nBuddy Guy was nothing short of legendary, which is fitting since he is, in fact, a legend. I saw people in there late sixties as well as people in their early teens dancing with reckless abandon as Buddy ripped it up on his guitar. Unfortunately I wasn't able to stay at the Buddy Guy show for long. Elvis Costello, Beck and Radiohead were all playing on the same stage and I had to go stake out my seat.\nI showed up about a half an hour before Elvis Costello and found a spot at center stage about 15-20 yards back. Elvis Costello came out and put on a great show. I probably knew two of his songs going into that show, but by the end he had turned me into a fan.\nAfter Elvis had left the stage, it was about an hour wait before Beck which meant I had just enough time to weave my way through the throng of people in the pavilion, get a corn dog and then muscle my way back to my spot, although I think a few people were contemplating some serious physical violence as I stepped in front of them to try and meet back up with Zack.\nThe Beck show was among the most entertaining concerts I have ever seen. Aside from playing some truly great music, his onstage antics were almost equally entertaining. My favorite thing about his show was the tiny replica of the stage sitting directly behind him which featured exact marionette replicas of the entire band. In perfect harmony with the band movements, the tiny replicas singing and playing their instruments were broadcast over the big screens for all of the people who were too far away to see. \nAfter Beck it was an hour and a half until Radiohead, and come hell or high water, I was not moving an inch from my spot (did I mention I was only 15 yards back from center stage). We were packed in like sardines. I tried sitting down but in order to do so I had to but my knees somewhere in the vicinity of the top of my head. It was worth all of the trouble though, because Radiohead put on one of the best shows I have ever seen. Every song they played was spectacular (including two brand new never before heard songs from their upcoming album). I couldn't have possibly asked for a better day of music. \nAfter the concert was over I wondered into one of the VIP hospitality tents. Where I am almost positive I saw Gina Gershon or at least a reasonable facsimile (if anyone knows her ask her if she was at Bonnaroo, and if she noticed a tall debonair guy giving her the eye).\nMy plan was to just go back to my tent and sleep off the pain of a hard days rocking, but I wanted to see who the line up for Super Jam was. Super Jam is a yearly tradition at Bonnaroo, where several different musicians get together and just play. When Mike Gordon and Trey Anastasio of Phish came out onto the stage I almost cried because I knew I wouldn't be getting much sleep. I stuck around as long as I could, but in the end my exhaustion won out over my love of the band Phish… but just barely.\nUnfortunately it looks as though I am going to have to miss the last day of the festival, but I think that Saturday's festivities was a great way to end the weekend.\nThere will be only one more entry into my blog, check for it sometime tomorrow, but stay posted for lots more pictures and feature stories in Thursday's IDS weekend.
(06/21/06 10:13pm)
So last night took me from What Stage to Which Stage to This Tent to That Tent and even a brief stint at The Other Tent. These are actually the names that they gave the stages at Bonnaroo. I guess they were trying to be cute but really it is just annoying. I mean I innocently ask some one where Nickel Creek is playing and all of the sudden we drop into an Abbot and Costello routine.
(06/21/06 10:12pm)
A Saturday afternoon press conference gave artists like Robert Randolph, Ben Folds, Umphrey's McGee, and Lewis Black a chance to joke around and talk about their impressions of the festival that singer of G.Love & Special Sauce Garrett Dutton called "The greatest party of the year." \nBen Folds, fresh off his set, said it was the second time he'd play for a crowd that size. \n"I heard there were 30-40 thousand people in the crowd," Folds said. "And they all have different color hair. I've only played a crowd that big in Japan and they all had dark hair, so I had a little trouble focusing at the beginning of my set." \nMany artists said a big reason they love the show is that it gives them a chance to check out other musicians. Ricky Skaggs admitted his kids plan to see Robert Randolph's act instead of his. Robert Randolph said he wishes he could play his slide guitar during Radiohead, and many expressed their desire to see Beck. Keyboardist of Umphreys McGee, Joel Cummings, said when they tour all year they don't feel like spending their off days seeing shows, but loved the opportunity at Bonnaroo. \n"Every year I walk away finding a band that I love and end up buying all their cd's," Cummins said. "Bonnaroo is one of the best things out there and I'm thrilled to be a part of it." \nCummins and Umphrey's played a gig in Indiana with The Disco Biscuits a few weeks ago, trading in band members as they went. Cummins sid that he got thrown from stage last time they played together and that he was going to get his revenge Disco Biscuits member Jon Gutwillig, seated a couple seats away. \nIndiana natives, Umphrey's McGee have had a big year, with a new album "Safety in Numbers" out since April, and tours across the country including a stop in Bloomington. Sold out shows and new albums come on the heels of what Joel described as a tough year for the band. \nA drunk driver killed a close friend of the band as he tried to meet up with them after the show. Joel said the band struggled through relationship problems and playing 130 -140 shows a year was wearing on the band. He said it helped playing with the new songs that people really relate to and that he was proud of. \n"Usually, a couple weeks after we put out an album I'm looking with self doubt," Cummins said. "I still feel really positive about this one though, so that's a good thing." \nA packed schedule will keep Umphrey's busy all year. They are playing a couple shows with Dave Mathews in July, and have plans to collaborate with Galactic, Bela Fleck, and Marc Broussard in addition to playing the Bean Blossom Festival in Indiana in August.
(06/21/06 10:12pm)
Greetings from Camp 69 at Bonnaroo. The first full day of music kicked off today and boasted the likes of Death Cab for Cutie, G. Love & Special Sauce, Robert Randolph, Seu Jorge and Ben Folds… none of which I made it to. The problem is that there are too many damn bands here. It is a really big problem. I mean today I had to make the decision between Death Cab, Robert Randolph and Oysterhead (and the winner is Oysterhead by a country mile), tomorrow I have to decide between Beck, Blues Traveler, Les Claypool and Medeski Martin & Wood (not to mention a showing of "Eight Legged Freaks" at the Bonnaroo theater). C'mon Bonnaroo, I want to have my cake and eat it too. I guess the up side is that no two people end up having the same experience so the late night roundtable discussions are a little more interesting.\nThe Best concert of the day was by far Oysterhead. If you are unfamiliar with Oysterhead, it is a supergroup of sorts consisting of the guitarist from Phish (Trey Anastasio), the Bassist from Primus (Les Claypool) and the Drummer from the Police (Stewart Copeland). They put on an incredible show worthy which is not surprising given the astonishing level of talent each band member possesses. My only problem with the show was the lack of new material. The only song they played that wasn't on their first (and only) album was what was undoubtedly the weirdest version of Jailhouse Rock ever preformed, with Les Claypool on what was essentially a mechanical gut bucket, and Trey Anastasio playing a guitar which he somehow controlled by hitting and turning the set of antlers that were mounted on it.\nSecond place goes to Andrew Bird who used Keller Williams-esque sound loops to rock "That Tent." I will have to save my tirade about the idiotic stage names for another time as seven straight hours of dancing in the hot Tennessee sun has left me exhausted and I would like to get in a cat nap before Tom Petty's Concert tonight.
(06/21/06 9:03pm)
One of the most intriguing new reality shows I've been watching recently is "The Hills," a spin off of MTV's "Laguna Beach" in which LC moves to Los Angeles to take classes at an art school and intern at Teen Vogue. \nBut what's intriguing about the show isn't LC's internship, her absurdly nice apartment or her idiotic roommate Heidi -- well actually it's a little of all of it (except for Heidi, she's just dumb). The most intriguing part of the show is the fact that MTV has blurred the lines of reality TV so much that it seems many of the events on "The Hills" are staged or written.\nMTV has headed in this direction for a while. They started the genre with "The Real World," where everything seems real enough other than the beautiful house and the jobs given to the cast members. The aforementioned "Laguna Beach," which is seemingly realistic (minus the fact that it focuses on one of the wealthiest areas in the country), for the first time spurred debate about how much of the show was actually real. Rumors arose about Kristin Cavallari actually being from Chicago (her parents are divorced so this is half true). The fact that people on the show often seem to randomly cross each other's paths seems questionable as well, considering they're being followed around by camera crews. Yet, at the beginning of each episode was a disclaimer stating that all the events were real, and I for one believe everything MTV tells me, so case closed on "Laguna."\nWhich brings us to "The Hills." There is no disclaimer saying the show is real. I'll let the amazing LA apartment with the spiral staircase slide, since MTV's done that before with "Real World." But the internship at Teen Vogue? When MTV gives jobs to the Real World cast members, they're real jobs -- but they really only affect people within the bubble of the show, which is basically the city it is being filmed in. In short, they're local jobs.\nBut Teen Vogue is a national magazine. Not to put down LC's credentials, but I'd be interested to know what kind of strings MTV pulled to set that up. And why would Teen Vogue refuse? They get publicity on a hit show and a new intern to boss around.\nAnd have you seen the clips of LC's job? They made her and her co-worker change clothes their first day to look "more Teen Vogue." Then on her first job assignment, LC was responsible for guarding a VIP area. Not only did she allow people to sit in the restricted area, the people she let through were her friends who weren't even on the list to the party but she snuck in anyway. Are you kidding me?!? Then to top it off, the next day at work LC was scolded not for doing the exact opposite of what she was supposed to, but because her friends were drunk and caused a minor disturbance. If this is happening in reality, I need to move to LA immediately.\nThen there's LC's roommate Heidi. This is a girl who went into a job interview and said she doesn't like to go to school, has had few, if any jobs, and that she wants to be a party planner, but isn't willing to put in the effort at the ground level and work her way up. What happens next? She gets a job! Once again, there seems to be a certain aspect of 'reality' missing from the show.\nFinally, on this week's episode LC randomly gets a message from her old Laguna boyfriend Jason. Convenient timing, J-Wal, telling your girlfriend you miss her and want to meet up during the fourth episode leaves a whole season of possible guest appearances for you. The kid's got timing.\nNevertheless, many people (myself included) love to watch "The Hills." It's a fantasy played out in the real world. As a regular TV show, why would anyone care about some girl who's an intern at some crappy magazine and hangs out with her stupid friends? But in the real world, the belief that all of this is going on as you and I live today adds a bit of excitement.\nWith enough success, "The Hills" could change the reality TV genre the way people thought Truman Capote's "In Cold Blood" was going to change non-fiction writing. No more producer brain trusts sitting in a room thinking of ridiculous contrived situations and games for people to participate in (which seems like the easiest job on earth) -- but instead there could be a movement back towards the basics of television, the writing.
(06/21/06 9:02pm)
You're never going to believe what happened to me. This week I took a vacation and rented a lake house. Upon arriving I found a note in the mailbox from the owner, Sandra, asking me to keep the place clean and all the usual rental requests. However, I noticed that the letter was dated 2008. Impossible I thought. So I sent Sandra a letter back saying, "don't worry the house is in good hands, but by the way, it's only 2006."\n"Impossible, she replied. "For argument's sake, what is today's date?" she asked.\n"Its June 22, 2006," I said. \n"No, it's June 22, 2008," she corrected me. "It's the same day two years apart. Well clearly this is some type of miracle," Sandra exclaimed. "This must be fate telling us something, we're soul mates, we're meant for each other, now we just need to figure out a way to meet."\nYeah, love is pretty good I thought, but I'm talking to somebody from the future, screw love, I want to know what's happened in the world of entertainment in the last two years. So I asked.\n"Well what do you want to know about," Sandra said.\n"'Superman Returns,' how amazing is it?"\n"That movie comes out next week, you can't wait six days?"\n"No of course not," I screamed. "Don't tell anyone, but I secretly cry myself to sleep in anticipation every night. But I guess you're right, I'll just wait in agony. Fine, how did 'Snakes on a Plane' turn out? Sure, we're all pumped to watch Samuel L. fight some motherfuckin' snakes on a plane, but are audiences going to get bored of it after 20 minutes?"\n"How dare you doubt 'Snakes on a Plane,'" Sandra shouted at me. "No, it doesn't get old, how could anybody get sick of snakes on planes? Actually, it caused quite a controversy when just months after its release there were some copycat murders."\n"Shut up, you're telling me somebody actually released snakes on a plane?"\n"Yep, but everything ended up being fine because Dr. 90210 was on the flight and he totally kicked the snakes' asses."\n"So the movie was a hit then? Well it's nice to know that the American public will refuse to watch terrorists highjack a plane in 'United 93' but have no problem if it's snakes that take down the aircraft.\n"Oh, by the way, Here's a little something for you," Sandra told me as I pulled a scarf out of the mailbox. "There was a freak blizzard in the summer of 2006."\n"What?!? June snow?" I screamed. "Ahhh, Al Gore wasn't lying, his documentary 'An Inconvenient Truth' was true, the world's gone to shit, the ice caps really are melting!"\n"No, turns out that 'South Park' episode was right; Al Gore is just really lonely."\n"Well what about Jennifer Aniston? Has she finally admitted she's dating Vince Vaughn?"\n"Nope, not yet, technically it should be their three-year anniversary but she still thinks denying it will prevent tabloids from stalking them."\n"Martin Scorsese has another movie, 'The Departed,' coming out this year," I said. "Is 2007 finally the year Marty gets his Oscar? Or does he lose again to another actor turned director?"\n"Well Marty still didn't get his Oscar, It went to David R. Ellis for 'Snakes on a Plane.'"\n"Hey the Olsen twins turned 20 last week, but what happened when they hit the big 21."\n"Oh, that was not pretty," Sandra replied. "While hitting all the hot night clubs on their first night of legal drinking the twins decided to do 21 birthday shots, but because they only weigh a combined total of 21 pounds they passed out in a dumpster. In the morning when they woke up covered in garbage bags, newspaper, and torn rags they just thought they had gone on a shopping spree."\n"Well how's Britney Spears doing these days? Is she still with the Federline? Are her children still alive?" I asked.\n"Yes her children are fine and unfortunately she's still with the Fed. And there still hasn't been a comeback album. She's yet to figure out that the media she claims bashes her so much might support her return if she didn't look like roadkill and burned any evidence that 'Chaotic' ever existed."\n"'Lost' must be on its fifth season now, are they still stuck on the island?"\n"Yes, but word is that this is the last season and they've hired M. Night Shyamalan to write a big twist ending for the finale, so you know it's going to suck."\nAt this point I decided to go lay out on the beach. But Sandra freaked out.\n"What about true love? We need to figure out how to time travel and meet," she begged. Sorry Sandra, I need some sun.
