Letters from the future

You're never going to believe what happened to me. This week I took a vacation and rented a lake house. Upon arriving I found a note in the mailbox from the owner, Sandra, asking me to keep the place clean and all the usual rental requests. However, I noticed that the letter was dated 2008. Impossible I thought. So I sent Sandra a letter back saying, "don't worry the house is in good hands, but by the way, it's only 2006."\n"Impossible, she replied. "For argument's sake, what is today's date?" she asked.\n"Its June 22, 2006," I said. \n"No, it's June 22, 2008," she corrected me. "It's the same day two years apart. Well clearly this is some type of miracle," Sandra exclaimed. "This must be fate telling us something, we're soul mates, we're meant for each other, now we just need to figure out a way to meet."\nYeah, love is pretty good I thought, but I'm talking to somebody from the future, screw love, I want to know what's happened in the world of entertainment in the last two years. So I asked.\n"Well what do you want to know about," Sandra said.\n"'Superman Returns,' how amazing is it?"\n"That movie comes out next week, you can't wait six days?"\n"No of course not," I screamed. "Don't tell anyone, but I secretly cry myself to sleep in anticipation every night. But I guess you're right, I'll just wait in agony. Fine, how did 'Snakes on a Plane' turn out? Sure, we're all pumped to watch Samuel L. fight some motherfuckin' snakes on a plane, but are audiences going to get bored of it after 20 minutes?"\n"How dare you doubt 'Snakes on a Plane,'" Sandra shouted at me. "No, it doesn't get old, how could anybody get sick of snakes on planes? Actually, it caused quite a controversy when just months after its release there were some copycat murders."\n"Shut up, you're telling me somebody actually released snakes on a plane?"\n"Yep, but everything ended up being fine because Dr. 90210 was on the flight and he totally kicked the snakes' asses."\n"So the movie was a hit then? Well it's nice to know that the American public will refuse to watch terrorists highjack a plane in 'United 93' but have no problem if it's snakes that take down the aircraft.\n"Oh, by the way, Here's a little something for you," Sandra told me as I pulled a scarf out of the mailbox. "There was a freak blizzard in the summer of 2006."\n"What?!? June snow?" I screamed. "Ahhh, Al Gore wasn't lying, his documentary 'An Inconvenient Truth' was true, the world's gone to shit, the ice caps really are melting!"\n"No, turns out that 'South Park' episode was right; Al Gore is just really lonely."\n"Well what about Jennifer Aniston? Has she finally admitted she's dating Vince Vaughn?"\n"Nope, not yet, technically it should be their three-year anniversary but she still thinks denying it will prevent tabloids from stalking them."\n"Martin Scorsese has another movie, 'The Departed,' coming out this year," I said. "Is 2007 finally the year Marty gets his Oscar? Or does he lose again to another actor turned director?"\n"Well Marty still didn't get his Oscar, It went to David R. Ellis for 'Snakes on a Plane.'"\n"Hey the Olsen twins turned 20 last week, but what happened when they hit the big 21."\n"Oh, that was not pretty," Sandra replied. "While hitting all the hot night clubs on their first night of legal drinking the twins decided to do 21 birthday shots, but because they only weigh a combined total of 21 pounds they passed out in a dumpster. In the morning when they woke up covered in garbage bags, newspaper, and torn rags they just thought they had gone on a shopping spree."\n"Well how's Britney Spears doing these days? Is she still with the Federline? Are her children still alive?" I asked.\n"Yes her children are fine and unfortunately she's still with the Fed. And there still hasn't been a comeback album. She's yet to figure out that the media she claims bashes her so much might support her return if she didn't look like roadkill and burned any evidence that 'Chaotic' ever existed."\n"'Lost' must be on its fifth season now, are they still stuck on the island?"\n"Yes, but word is that this is the last season and they've hired M. Night Shyamalan to write a big twist ending for the finale, so you know it's going to suck."\nAt this point I decided to go lay out on the beach. But Sandra freaked out.\n"What about true love? We need to figure out how to time travel and meet," she begged. Sorry Sandra, I need some sun.