Editor’s note: The contents of this column are intended for satirical and entertainment purposes and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the IDS or its staffers. The people and scenarios mentioned are fictional.
Indiana University Dining has partnered with Starbucks to open the coffee company’s fourth on-campus location starting in fall 2026, Kate Luddy, an IU spokesperson, announced Monday. The new store will replace Simon Skjodt Assembly Hall, which currently serves as home court to IU’s men’s and women’s basketball teams.
“This move represents the second phase of Starbucks 2045, a larger project spearheaded by the Bloomington campus to transition all buildings to Starbucks locations over the next two decades,” Luddy said. “Last fall, we inaugurated the plan with the new Starbucks at Read Residence Hall.”
Both IU’s basketball teams will play out the remainder of their home games this season in the living room of Bryan House, the traditional home of IU presidents.
“As far as we know, no one currently resides there,” Luddy said in an interview. “When Dining mentioned this fact to Athletics, they agreed that the new arrangement would more efficiently utilize campus real estate.”
This solution serves as a temporary one. In 2032, Byan House will become the Bloomington campus’s ninth Starbucks, according to the Starbucks 2045 plan published in December.
“I think Bryan House will bring IU basketball back to its roots,” Lila Wilkinson, an assistant coach for the IU women’s basketball team, told local media. “For years, rumors have circulated that its living room still has ’70s shag carpeting that Bobby Knight used to make his championship teams practice on.”
Students are divided over the Starbucks 2045 plan.
Zack Cavander, a junior and member of student government, expressed reservation over the university’s one-sided decision to pursue the project. He said it contradicts IU’s longstanding commitment to shared governance, a longstanding pillar of higher education.
Others are more open to a new Starbucks.
“I hated Read Dining Hall’s gyros,” Michael Office-of-the-Bursar, a senior studying culinary arts, said. “And I hate basketball. I’m glad to see Starbucks push them both off campus.”
Sarah Spruce, a sophomore majoring in early childhood education, also welcomed the change.
“I just like knowing there’s another option for me to get my Strawberry White Chocolate Iced Double Dubai Banana-Berry Blended Frappuccimocha during my walk to campus in the morning,” Spruce said. “And hopefully, this means the lines at the IMU Starbucks won’t be so long anymore.”
Demolition of the current Assembly Hall complex is set to begin during spring break and will conclude before the semester ends.
Eric Cannon (he/him) is a sophomore studying philosophy and political science and currently serves as a member of IU Student Government.
