Special guest and managing editor, Ellie Albin: Jeff Kinney needs to have Greg Heffley, star of the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” series, move on to high school and beyond. He can’t be a wimpy kid forever — we need stories about a wimpy man.
Danny William: The concept of “meal prepping” is funny to me. It’s just packing your lunch but for adults. Just get your Uncrustables and accept yourselves.
Joey Sills: Twenty-four-hour diners are chronically underappreciated. The ability to order essentially whatever you want, whether it’s 3 a.m., 10 a.m. or 7 p.m., is almost magical, not to mention the fact they’re usually much cheaper than more “traditional” restaurants. Places like Applebee’s or Outback or Olive Garden serve cheap, mid food at their core with a veneer of artificiality. Diners, on the other hand, are restaurants without pretension or pretense and are a perfect piece of American culture for that very reason.
Carolyn Marshall: French fries are the best form of eating potatoes. Need a side for your hamburger? French fries. Need a side dish with your milkshake? French fries. You can cut up a potato and put it in the stove, you can buy them frozen, you can buy them at any restaurant. They are everywhere and in any form. Shoelace? Steak cut? Waffle? Curly? There are more and more for any kinds of potato cravings you may have. They represent the kind of variety that all foods struggle to obtain and will always have a hold over the snacking temptations of all Americans.
Audrey Vonderahe: April Fool's Day sucks. Practical jokes aren’t impressive, and pranks aren’t original. Nair in the shampoo is just cruel. The classic cereal box switch up just ruins your morning. Put a stop to this nonsense and find a better sense of humor.
Ravana Gumm: The Pineapple Passionfruit refresher as well as the Paradise Drink at Starbucks are disgusting. As a former Starbucks employee, I saw countless people order pineapple drinks over the summer. I could never understand it because it tastes so artificial. Strawberry Acai will forever be the superior refresher.
Elizabeth Valadez: Breakfast food belongs at the dinner table. Limiting ourselves to certain food groups at certain hours of the day is so absurd.
Jared Quigg: If I have to read one more moronic editorial from Bret Stephens or Thomas Friedman or any of the other hacks at The New York Times about how Israel’s “democracy” is in trouble, I’m going to scream. Israel’s democracy can’t be in trouble – it would have to have one for that to even be possible. Israel is an apartheid state, so enough talk of democracy. Let’s not devalue the word in this way.
Leila Faraday: All black outfits simply must be reserved for the evening hours. It pains me to see people wearing all black on a sunny day, absorbing every UV ray. I know you’re hot. And I can see the dog hair on your clothes.
Kate Hutner: Going to the dentist is a dreadful experience by itself, but it is within your hands to make it a little better or a lot worse. If you choose anything besides mint when the dentist asks what flavor you want, you are punishing yourself more than the dentist already is. Mint is the only good option.
