Is it weird that I am a twenty-five year old man that is still a virgin? I have done other things sexually but I have not had intercourse. Does this make me weird?
Although most men have had vaginal or anal intercourse before the age of 25, not all men have. And just as it does not make a person weird to have had intercourse, it also does not make a person weird to have not had intercourse at a certain age.
People don’t have sex during certain times of their lives for many different reasons. Some people wait to have intercourse or other kinds of sex until they find someone they are very attracted to, whereas others will have intercourse or other kinds of sex with a person even if they aren’t very attracted to them. Similarly, some people wait to engage in partnered sexual activities until they are in love, until they feel they are in a healthy and trusting relationship, or until they are married or otherwise in a committed relationship. Other times, people want to have sex but find it difficult to meet people or else they feel shy or just aren’t sure how to go about flirting with people or advancing a sexual situation.
While most people do eventually engage in sexual activities with other people, some never do. Some people identify as asexual, meaning they aren’t attracted to other people. And of course many people have periods of time when they don’t have sex for a while – even people who have been sexually active sometimes go weeks, months, or years without sex. Data from our National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior show that more than 10% of Americans in relationships don’t have any sex in a given year. I mention this because it underscores how there is no one way that people experience their sex lives.
You didn’t say how you feel about sex, such as whether you are interested in sex or what kinds of sex you may or may not be interested in or excited by. You also didn’t say how you feel about relationships or intimacy.
These are things it might help to think about and to explore for yourself. If you would like to meet with a sex counselor or therapist to talk about sexuality or relationships, you can find one in your area through aasect.org or sstarnet.org. But mostly what I want to say is that there are many different ways that people create pleasurable, interesting, and meaningful sexual lives for themselves, and you get to go at a pace that feels right for you.
Kinsey Confidential is a collaboration of the IU School of Public Health and the Kinsey Institute. Debby Herbenick is an associate professor and author of six books about sex including “The Coregasm Workout” and “Sex Made Easy.” Visit us at www.kinseyconfidential.org and follow us on Twitter @DebbyHerbenick and @KinseyCon.
