Drake, if you’re reading this it’s not too late.
You can still come headline Little 500 next year. Here at IU, it’s no secret you’re our idol.
Below are just a few reasons we love you and ?your music.
You made Y.O.L.O. ?happen. You scientifically proved we are not cats with nine lives; no, we unfortunately only live once.
From this revelation, we prescribed to your motto, “Now she want a photo/ You already know, though/ You only live once, that’s the motto ... Y.O.L.O.”
As evidenced by the infamous hoosier.nation Snapchat, we take pictures of anything and everything, including copious amount of drugs ?and alcohol.
This might be an obvious point, but it must be put out there on the table.
Us Hoosiers know how to have a good time, and we love you, Drake. We’ll be on our worst ?behavior.
Unfortunately — or fortunately — you don’t wear colorful reflective Ray Ban aviators or chokers.
Thereby definition, all of our moms would love you and wouldn’t mind us adding the charge of your ?concert ticket to our ?Bursar bill.
You had not one but two Bar Mitzvah’s — once when you were little nugget Drake and another in your “HYFR” music video.
This defies Y.O.L.O. odds, therefore proving you are a god.
You are the king of ?acronyms. We started from the ?bottom, now we’re here.
So, would you please come perform at ?Little 500 for us, next year. You’re from Canada. Although Justin Bieber’s from Canada, too, we won’t ?roast you.
You’re Drake, and Canada has bacon after all, doesn’t it?
You feel “100” about kissing Madonna at this year’s Coachella.
We’re hella jealous of you, man.
Mad props.
On top of this, you pull the fine ladies. Just look at Rihanna, Zoe Kravitz, Nicki Minaj and Amber Rose. ‘Nuff said.
Above all, you sing about real things such as girls, family and your problems.
It’s soulful and ?authentic. Let’s give it to you straight man, you’re the realest rapper we could have perform at next year’s Little 500.
So come play in Who Knows Where, Ind. for us.
We have exceedingly shitty alcohol, terrible weed and pretty hot girls. It’s your kind of party.
47406’s doors are open to run through with ?your woes.
jlkarl@indiana.edu
