Disclaimer: The following editorial is satire.
The electric chair, the atomic bomb, Windows 8 — scientific progress ?sometimes yields horrendous products.
Male birth control options are quickly joining those ranks. New developments such as gels, implants and even pills might bring synthetic interventions to nature’s course to your local ?pharmacy.
Haven’t we already made relationships complicated enough with providing women with birth control and recognizing that your broad doesn’t have to put out if she’s “not in the mood?”
What happened to the good old days when relationships were as quick and easy as trading livestock? Granted, that is because courtship essentially was the same as trading livestock. Why deepen this deal with the devil and add male birth control to the unwholesome brew?
Men don’t need to be meddling with birth control options because, apparently, women already have it covered. The human body works in mysterious ways. If both the man and the goat — I mean, woman — are on birth control, there could be some sort of double negative reaction for all we know. Birth control, especially pills, require a highly regimented intake to make sure the drugs work correctly. You can’t really expect men ages 13 through 30 to be able to keep up with such a demanding schedule. Women are biologically predisposed to being more organized so they can effectively run a household and plan suffrage ?rallies.
While it is true there are some side effects from women’s birth control, they’re few and far between to the point of being negligible. In fact, the risks posed by the side effects make the sex all the more thrilling!
It may make you feel like you and your girlfriend are teenagers again, only instead of wondering if your parents will catch you, you’re wondering if the woman you’re bonking will have a ?sudden blood clot!
Of course, this gets at a much bigger issue: why are we further encouraging promiscuous behavior in our young men?
First we light the fire by — sort of — teaching sexual education in schools. Then, we throw on some kerosene by giving women a means to have sex without the threat of conception. Now, we’re tossing the whole bottle into the hellish inferno of immorality.
In short, we could bring birth control to men, but the cost would be our country as we know it.
Not to sound misandrist, but men are basically lower animals with no control over their sexual impulses, especially while younger. If we give birth control to men, we might as well tell them to discontinue what little remains of their resistance to their carnal drives.
Sex addictions are so much more prevalent in men, and male birth control would be like a gateway drug. We cannot call ourselves good allies to men while enabling them like this.
Next, people are going to start demanding that their insurance cover the costs, forcing corporations to uphold such lewd activities. Beyond the moral commitments of many a good, red-white-and-blue-bleeding business, it doesn’t make good utilitarian sense.
If male birth control were to pass, men would start showing up to work less because they’d be chasing tail all the more. Productivity would plummet and unemployment would spike.
Before you know it, more people than ever would be living off the state with their birth control still covered by Obamacare, and then the economy falls apart like a sixth grade girl asked to do math or science.
