Parking makes my life suck

Riddle me this: why do IU students park with the precision of drunken monkeys?

I’ll give you a hint. It has to do with the atrocious lack of parking spaces.

I’m going to be immature about this subject. If you’re looking for a sound, reasonable argument, I suggest you direct your eyes to a different corner of the page because it’s about to get middle school up in here.

I’ll start by blatantly stating that IU parking sucks.

There are not enough spaces. The IUB Parking Operations map claims there are 155 parking lots/garages within a one-mile radius of IU. The map also kindly provides the number of spaces each lot provides. According to my handy dandy iPhone calculator, that comes to a grand total of 10,905 parking spaces.

And keep in mind that some of these lots belong to apartment complexes and other odd places like the power plant. And while going through the list, I counted at least three listed lots that had zero parking spaces. Someone needs to update their website.

But that’s not all, folks. I have more numbers to throw around. There are 42,731 students attending IU as stated by colleges.findthebest.com. And then there are the 23,000 plus employees to consider ranging from professors to custodians.

So we’re talking almost 65,000 people to 10,905 parking spaces. Then subtract the amount of spots we, as students, can’t park in like the coveted A and C spaces. The odds are not in our favor.

It doesn’t help that IU keeps giving away areas that could make convenient parking lots. There’s no way I could address this subject without bringing up those ugly wastes of space the Kelley and Jacobs schools constructed. I don’t care they’re lucky enough to have rich alumni that can afford to donate millions. I don’t care if they need the extra storage or practice space. I can tell you where to store your saxophone without taking away a potential parking lot that hundreds of students would benefit from.

And now they’re constructing the global and international studies building, which has invaded Herman B Wells Library parking lot. Brilliant thinking, IU.

I paid $158 for my D permit, and the blood bath I go through each night to park my car isn’t worth it.

By continuing to take students’ money for spaces they didn’t have, IU took advantage of students, which is unacceptable. It feels like IU sold more parking permits than spots it has available.

Finally, there are the IU parking Nazis who benefit from handing out misery in the form of tickets. Do they realize that their job is purely to cause people a bad day? No one looks forward to seeing them. Ever.

And the only reason their job exists is because of IU Parking Operations’ pathetic amount of availability and stupid regulations.

It would be lovely if IU Parking Operations would be more cooperative with students. But if I was making more than a million dollars a year just off parking tickets, I’d probably keep being a douchebag, too.

It all boils down to money. No surprise there. But if IU is really that desperate I recommend getting on its knees and begging or finding a corner to work, because taking advantage of students like this is
getting old.

­— lnbanks@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Lexia Banks on Twitter @LexiaBanks.