This is why we can't have nice things

I learned the most about the value of a dollar by staying home sick on the couch in front of a television weekdays from 11 a.m. to noon.

Bob Barker taught me well. So well that I can’t help but liken the amount of debt I’ve accumulated to a showcase showdown on the timeless daytime television classic,
“The Price is Right.”

Who knows if I’m making the right decision? Maybe I would be better off with a trip to

Fiji and some new fine china. Maybe the only things I need are a new motorcycle and a lifetime supply of Poppycock snack mix.

Nationwide, average student debt is $26,600.

Close to 12 million students who borrow annually have to wonder if their money is being well spent. In case you are one of the many having doubts, here is reassurance that you aren’t missing much.

These are some other showcases worth roughly a quarter of a million dollars.

Gym membership

I hesitated to drop $30 for an iPhone arm holster when I started running this summer, but that tiny price tag is nothing compared to the $23,500 annual membership fee for E at Equinox. These well-endowed exercisers pay a premium for freshly laundered workout attire, private showers and training sessions with a personal coach, among other amenities.

While you will still have to use your student ID to get in instead of the retinal scanners at Equinox, the Student Recreational Sports Center and Ora L. Wildermuth Intramural Center are wallet-friendly options for students. Because you already pay for using the facilities in student activity fees, it’s almost like you’re getting fit for free.

Fine jewels

If you’re a teenage superstar not yet faced with any of the stresses that come with continued education, why not spend $25,000 on a chain featuring Family Guy’s Stewie Griffin? More than 12 carats of multi-colored rubies and white diamonds are set on 14-karat gold. I don’t care what your taste is — a piece like that will up the style of any outfit.

But then again, most of us are or will be looking for jobs soon, and rap-mogul-meets-adult-cartoon-junkie may not be the type of person future employers are looking for.

Alternatively, try shopping the Hoosier to Hoosier Community Sale. Rummage through items donated for Hoosiers by Hoosiers 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. Saturday, Aug. 26 at 1525 S. Rogers St.

A new car

You could never worry about the price of gas again with the new, totally-electric Chevrolet Spark starting at $26,685. The electric car is back from the dead. This machine takes only seven hours to fully charge, and it can run about 82 miles on that power.

Sounds like great savings, right? Well, IU Bloomington students have access to IU bus services and Bloomington Transit buses for free. Take advantage of that five-finger discount and snag a seat while you can. Between an IU parking pass, regular maintenance and the cost of fuel, you’ll thank yourself for turning down this prize.

— wroyal@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Will Royal on Twitter
@RealGoodWill.