L-O-V-E

Love. Laborious, obsessive, vigorous, enduring. The complex feeling that we, humans, have labeled “love” is oftentimes difficult to define.

Love may manifest itself through many different relationships: parents and children, best friends and even individuals and their pets harbor some degree of love for one another.

So, in light of Valentine’s Day, the shamelessly commercialized holiday cleverly guised as an opportunity for one to express love to his or her significant other, I’d like to delve deeper into the kinds of love I’ve observed during my short, 19 years of existence.

First, we evaluate the laborious lovers.

The laborious lover will do anything to please his or her partner.

You need a big loan? Take some of my savings. You’d rather go out to eat at Taco Bell than Chili’s? Well, all right. You don’t feel like doing the dishes tonight either? I got it covered.

By sacrificing personal needs and desires, the laborious lover focuses solely on the partner’s satisfaction. This people-pleasing attitude, although a bad habit, is not
uncommon.

For example, actress Anne Hathaway admitted to Harper’s Bazaar magazine that countless relationships have failed due to her people-pleasing tendencies.
Second, we observe the obsessive lovers.

We all have had the similar experience of comforting a friend who remained utterly and hopelessly infatuated with an individual who never seemed to notice his or her existence.

Unrequited love sucks.

These obsessive lovers need to realize their infatuations might be potentially detrimental, not only psychologically, but physically as well.

Cardiovascular physiologist Richard Moss noted that unrequited love reverses the proven calming effects of feeling mutual love.

Third, we encounter the vigorous lovers.

Vigorous lovers view love simply as a fast-paced and exciting game. Perhaps college students are most familiar with the vigorous loving style, as individuals our age are generally associated with the “hookup culture.”

Vigorous love is physical. It can be passionate. But it is always short-lived.

Although hooking up can include an array of physical engagement, ranging from kissing to sex, vigorous lovers typically erect an emotional boundary so that they can “pass go” and continue playing their game of love.

The growing popularity of the vigorous love style seems to be largely perpetuated by the media and television programs such as Gossip Girl and numerous reality TV shows.

Lastly, we strive to understand what I believe to be the ideal love style, enduring love.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary formally defines enduring as follows: to undergo especially without giving in.

Although my definition of love may not seem as glamorous as others, it’s practical.
Love requires a mutual understanding between two individuals, a promise to make one another happy while simultaneously ensuring personal happiness.

This concept of love is not original. In fact, Aristotle once stated, “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” Unity.

Love is characterized by cohesiveness, but this cohesiveness cannot be achieved instantly. It takes both time and endurance.

­— kfasone@indiana.edu