Holiday gift guide

The holiday shopping season is in full swing.

Whether or not you partook in Black Friday and Cyber Monday festivities, it is doubtful you have already found that perfect present for everyone on your list.

With a major in procrastination and a minor in penny-pinching, it is unreasonable to expect any college student to finish shopping a month in advance.

We have become pros at waiting until the last minute. It’s how we function.
There is always that one person, though, that stumps you.

Searching stores and sites, it seems nothing will suffice as a suitable gift.
You could throw in the towel and go with a gift card, but don’t.

They will be expecting that. You can do better.

Here’s to hoping for the best and hating every holly-jolly minute of it.

THE EMBARRASSED FATHER

This one is right under your nose. Remember all the years of him passive aggressively urging you to follow the path of his, err, your dreams? Embrace it.

If your ex-jock dad never got to see you hit that game-winning homerun, get the guy a subscription to a sports magazine.

Maybe your father is embarrassed you are still in school after your changing your major back to general studies for the seventh time. Make a payment in Pop’s name to pay down your student loans.

Avoid the self-help books about understanding your child. Let’s be honest. He is not going to read it. Keep the cold war contained, and don’t drop any bombs at the holiday dinner table.

THE HATEFUL ACTIVIST
We all know one. He or she is against everything in some way or another, and chances are, they have told you why. These conversations about rights, protests and the good of the world have trickled into your daily interactions a little too much for your taste. This holiday season, turn the tables, and show your friend you were listening, with one ear, kind of.

If you can’t remember a specific cause they “live for,” it shouldn’t be hard to get them talking about one. Make a donation to this cause in their name. Send them an email receipt or a screen shot of the “Thank You!” page, and do not even think about wasting paper by printing that puppy out. Shame on you.

THE LOATHESOME BOSS

Hegemony is your boss’s middle name. This head honcho feeds on your insecurities and state of subjugation. Use this last semester of subordination as inspiration.

Can you use your cell phone at work? No, but your boss can. Do you have someone at your beck and call to grab you a cup of coffee? No, but your boss does. Channel your challenges into wowing them with a wonderful gift.

Those high-tech texting gloves would be great for the technology-obsessed overlord. Maybe a reusable coffee cup, mug or thermos is what it will take to get them off your back. This time, you really can keep the change.

You might be tempted to skip this scoundrel, but do you really want to see if he or she can hate you any more?