True love lost forever

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s 2005 split was a little depressing.

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe’s 2006 split was disheartening.

All seemed lost earlier this year when Heidi Klum and Seal revealed they were divorcing.

But last week, the never-ending black hole of celebrity breakup news came to an absolutely heartbreaking apex.

Last Thursday. The day true love as we know it died.

Amy Poehler, “SNL” and “Parks and Recreation” star, and her husband Will Arnett, best known for his work on “Arrested Development,” announced they would divorce after nine years of marriage.

Divorce in Hollywood is hardly anything novel or innovative. Just like people in real life, celebrities break up all the time.

So, why do we take it so seriously? Why does People magazine sell 5 million copies whenever it snags the first post-divorce interview from a famous starlet?

It’s because famous couples give us hope. We watch them fall in love on screen, and once the credits roll, we’re meant to believe they lived happily ever after.

Happy endings tend to occur in only two places: movie screens and sketchy massage parlors.

When celebrities break up, we’re forced to face the reality that true love doesn’t conquer all.

But there’s something more to Poehler and Arnett’s breakup.

First, the trials and tribulations of their relationship haven’t been gossip fodder for the entirety of their marriage. The media never reported a ton about them, so we were never sick of them.

Second, who wouldn’t want to sit down to dinner with them? You wouldn’t get a chance to eat anything because everything would end up on your shirt as you laughed relentlessly.

Third, they were in love, and they’re funny. What more could you ask for? They were the poster children for comedic relationships.

Still, if their relationship had run its course, it was time to end things.
That’s a sad but undeniable truth. No couple should stay together if they’re unhappy.
Unfortunately, all this means is that it’s increasingly harder to believe in happily ever after.

If two funny, talented, seemingly normal people can’t make it work, who can?
Not all hope is lost, though.

If one day the headlines proclaim that Beyoncé and Jay-Z have called it quits, that’s when all hope is lost.

If that day comes, there will be absolutely no reason left to live.