Not so harmless speech

He probably doesn’t even remember.

I was walking a friend home last week when a passerby shouted something not suitable for print, not suitable for shouting and not suitable for compassionate thought.

This column is for him and everyone who carefully or carelessly hurls hate speech.

From the balcony of one of those big, bourgie apartment complexes on the north side of downtown, a drunk-sounding bro shouted something hurtful at my friend.

The drunken offender targeted my friend for their dress, perceived color, perceived gender and perceived sexuality.

It’s more than hurtful words.

It was a sobering moment that caught us both off guard.

I wish one of us had thought of something to shout back.

I wish I could have thought of something comforting to say to my friend.

My friend was in no position to take the harassment in stride, wear the hate with pride or wait for things to get better.

My friend shouldn’t have to.

We both let our guard down that night, though we’re both used to hearing comments about our appearances.

This is even more true for my friend, who both suffers insults and receives compliments for their self-presentation and eye-catching fashion sense.

After all the bullying, they still haven’t gotten used to queer-bashing language or gender harassment.

Simply leaving the house can feel like an invitation for fellow students and city folk to shame them.

It’s not something I’d want to get used to.

My friend’s life isn’t a life lived in fear, mind you.

It’s a boldly lived life driven by self-determination and ambition.

It’s one that inspires me.

It’s also a tumultuous life.

Most importantly, it’s  one that forces me to recognize my privileges.

I don’t often worry my appearance will make me a target of racist, sexist and homophobic slurs.

After several years studying feminist and queer theory, and especially after that night, I’ve come to a couple of conclusions.

First, folks hate being hated.

Second, folks need to spread awareness about hate speech and bullying.

Some drunk guy shouting filth at a friend doesn’t signal an epidemic of homophobia or sexism.

But it does merit the reconsideration of our society’s collective stance on queerness.

Your drunk-guy words aren’t harmless or “only words” if they actually hurt somebody.
If you can make someone hurt with your taunts, you shouldn’t be saying them.
Bloomington has a reputation as a queer-friendly city.

That reputation doesn’t hold up now.

 It won’t hold up in the future unless we actively change our attitudes
toward queer people.

­— ptbeane@indiana.edu