Monkey see, monkey do

Today, it seems every celebrity wants to dabble in fashion. What sets Hollywood heroes apart from young, emerging designers who spent four years draining their parents’ savings to earn an education at a world-renowned art school?

If the only required qualification is a Vogue subscription, watch out, Hoosiers — a Walschlagerfeld label is just around the corner.
 
Maybe the paparazzi make celebrities’ heads too big. All the flashing pictures must give starlets the idea that what they’re wearing is worth noticing.

In reality, the rest of the world wants to see how much of that cheeseburger Heidi Montag can jam in her mouth without wearing any makeup. Remember her risqué juniors’ line for J.C. Penney Co. a few years ago that folded just months after opening?

But Montag’s not alone in thinking she is capable of fashion design, nor is she my favorite fashion disaster.

Jon Gosselin of “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” infamy attempted to create a line of kids’ clothing with Christian Audigier, the designer behind Ed Hardy, after his life fell apart on national television.

Whether or not you believe in karma and good vibes, no one in their right mind will buy baby clothes or take fashion inspiration from that man.

Madonna has an ill-fitting, cheaply made line at Macy’s for teen girls.

Daisy Fuentez, the expired co-host from “America’s Funniest Home Videos,” is selling a dated women’s line at Kohl’s.

James Hetfield, lead vocalist and co-founder of Metallica, even has a sunglasses line in the works. 

When will it end? More than likely when each celebrity loses his or her 15 minutes of fame.

The power celebrity names contain is the only reason these attempts at fashion design break even. Buyers think if Paris Hilton’s face is on it, the product must be good.

Realistically, celebrity lines are made of some of the cheapest fabrics and have very little thought behind their creation aside from a whiney, “I want a fashion line, too!”

Considering most celebrities have stylists dress them, buyers should stop being pawns in a clever game of brand power and look to people who know what they’re doing.

Think about it.

You have to have a license to practice medicine but no experience cutting hair. Just because you can successfully complete a heart transplant, that doesn’t mean you can apply blond highlights that aren’t streaky. An expert in one field doesn’t get to carry the title to another.

In the same way, actors, musicians and television hosts are not designers.
 
The Row, created by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, is one of a few respectable fashion lines that successfully earned its position among top-tier designers.

The Olsen twins combine their dedication to preserving New York’s garment district, and everything except for their handbags is made in the good old United States. Their focus is on product.

Leave it to the mystic Olsens to create a reputable fashion line before dinner time.