In the long run

John Maynard Keynes once said, “In the long run we are all dead.”

It’s a terrible truth. No matter how much organic food we eat, or how many power walks we go on, or how few cigarettes we smoke, we’re all goin’ down. It’s sad, but really it’s all fine. The trouble is keeping this in mind when we debate policy.

In 2008, then presidential hopeful Barack Obama promised his nation that he would cross party lines and work with his Republican counterparts, even though they’re all super rude. This was a great sacrifice on his part because honestly, who wants to work with those GOP cats? They aren’t much fun at all (though to be fair, the Democrats are likely the more politically pretentious of the two groups; frankly, we all suck I guess).

Politically depressing truths aside, Mr. Obama told folks he’d work with people. And as far as I could see (which isn’t very far), he tried. But everyone’s panties were so bunched up by the end of the ’08 election that when Obama finally took office, collusion and compromise were far out of the realm of possibility.

Democrats were so excited to have won, to have the first black president, to have their symbol of hope take office, to have avoided putting Sarah Palin so close to the executive office and to finally be done with so many years of George W. Bush.

Republicans, on the other hand, were so upset to have lost their hold on the White House (they really enjoyed the plush cushions and ballin’ gourmet meal service), and they were quite busy kicking themselves for putting young Palin on the ballot.

It all makes sense, and these are perfectly reasonable results coming out of such a heated election process. You’d think that, with these folks being adults, childish feelings would eventually subside and the representative rulers of our nation could get back to the business of doing what’s best for their people.

Not so much.

Instead, these giddy, anxious feelings following the election only snowballed as Democrats plowed highly partisan health care legislation, and outraged Republicans pulled a BFTR (Big Fat Teddy Roosevelt, the opposite of a Big Fat Ralph Nader (BFRN), and formed the Tea Party. How could anyone from either party see themselves working with the other in such a blizzard of nonsense and childish politics?

I hope that in the upcoming election Americans can remember it was not only Obama’s fault that we are in such a political, economic and social deadlock. After all, it’s pretty tough to get into a “yeah-huh, nuh-uh” battle by yourself.

I hope America will see Mitt Romney for what he is: a self-centered, pretentious douche who sees the presidency as just another plaque on the wall and just another game to win. I hope we can remember that Obama, though he might not be the exact bastion of change we had once envisioned, is at least not a millionaire D-bag.

While it always sucks to be voting for the lesser of two evils, it’s the system we live in, and we gotta deal.

Maybe after this election everyone can calm down a bit and we can get out of this Bologna Sandwich Political Atmosphere (BSPA). This is essential because in the long run we’re all dead, and if we want our lives to improve before that happens, it’s time for action. Or at least we should halt the inaction. That’d be cool.

P.S. If Romney wins, I’m bouncin’.

­— mileonar@indiana.edu