Sonic science

Evolution. It’s the nature of things. Dynamism and change are the ways of the world, and there’s little to be done about it. Whether you’re talking about a biological community or even the world of music, you can be sure that soon it isn’t going to be the same as it was.

This is generally a positive phenomenon, as evolution normally renders its victims better for the experience. Animals become more adept at survival, and in the case of music, listeners are supposedly rendered happier and more entertained.

Until recently I would have emphatically disagreed with the latter part of this statement. To me, modern music was a waste of time in which pompous, untalented, overpaid maniacs paraded about spouting nonsensical vulgarity for the sake of shock value and trying to be “different.”

To me, only the classics are really understood. They were crazy and maniacal, sure. But they were also artists and believers. Jimi Hendrix didn’t burn his guitar because he was trying to entertain me or get my attention. He did it as a fabulous, fiery middle finger to the Man because of what he believed. And he only did that after metaphorically burning it with his preposterous skills.

Well, in the past few weeks, I’ve given this stance on modern music a lot of thought.

And the reason is because, frankly, I just love that new Carly Rae Jepsen track, “Call Me Maybe.” I can’t get it out of my head, and I just don’t want to! I can’t even relate what an incredible turn on it would be if a girl asked me in a bar-type “pickup” situation to “call her maybe.” I would lose my mind and likely call her immediately. Like before she made it out of the bar.

This naturally was a serious challenge to my previous beliefs. Ms. Jepsen is certainly no Mr. Hendrix. She’s not exactly a brilliant artist, and she doesn’t seem like a serious believer or idealist. After much deliberation and some intense therapy sessions, I came to the conclusion that it was simple musical evolution.

Jepsen’s modern hit suits society’s current mood. Hers is the song best adapted to the environment in my head and I can’t help it. It’s just the way
of things.

Maybe if I were at all cool, then the environment in my mind would be different and this song would not be best adapted. But it is. What can you do?

So, to all you lovers of Ms. Jepsen’s new hit single, don’t feel bad. You can’t help it, man. It’s evolution; it’s biology. It’s science, for goodness’ sake. So, turn up the jams and give it another 30 plays on your iTunes.

And to all you haters out there, stop lying. You know you love it.

­— mileonar@indiana.edu