Princess pointers: how to live happily ever after

After a week of gratitude, great food and sufficient sleep, I came home to the same depressing discussion that tends to greet me by the front door on a regular basis. A friend of mine was dishing about her newest boy toy’s faulty features.

“Honestly, I just want to find my prince charming,” she said. “Where is he?”

I didn’t know how to break it to her, but I think it might be at least a few more weeks and some big dreaming before the frat stars down the street transform into attractive princes living in palaces.

Those vicious VHS films taught us to expect our own happily ever after ending, but these fairy-tale fantasies don’t happen on college campuses. No stud rides a steed or transforms from hairy to hottie for an average beauty.

Did Disney set us up for disappointment?

The ravishing royal chaps aren’t sprouting in the IU arboretum, but there are some Disney lessons we can learn from those paradigm princesses. I don’t advise that you ditch your posse for a friendly fawn and wildlife, but take a few of these dos and don’ts into account the next time you are out and about.

Snow White, palest of them all, certainly knew how to work the circle of friends as she buddied up with the Seven Dwarfs. She always had her men’s support, and she knew how to be one of the guys. But sometimes, her good heart let anyone from Sneezy to Grumpy take advantage of her, pushing her very last corset button.

Do be a guy’s girl, but don’t let any man take advantage of you. You become less worthy than a poisoned apple.

We all have those weekends when we’re a little gone like Sleeping Beauty. It’s fun to go out and play, but Blackout Beauty never made the big screens for a reason. One thing Aurora had right was that she lived on her own time. Any guy worth your worries can wait for you to come around (or out of a coma). If he’s worthy, he’ll wait; don’t rush it.

Cinderella is a little smarter than those sisters gave her credit for, “accidently” leaving a shoe behind. It’s a classic move for those of us who’ve got some guts. Don’t be afraid to make a bold, daring move. It might leave a guy unafraid to find his dream girl by going door-to-door.

Belle is one to admire. She sticks to her passions and knows how to make a man fall head over heels in love. Be yourself; don’t be afraid to be a nerd who reads novel after novel and openly bursts into song with the townies at the Showalter Fountain.

Last but not least, my favorite of the fairest: Jasmine. This exotic beauty was able to lower her standards a little and find, in my opinion, the cutest of the majestic men. Aladdin might have been a “street rat” who didn’t fit her highest standards, but it’s OK to open up to a guy you might not have considered before; sometimes they are the best catches.

Yes, Jasmine picked a winner, but she earned some notoriety for being quite the sleaze. Though the turquoise color did wonders for her, it’s best to save some dignity and not flaunt everything you’ve got. Be willing to make some sacrifices for the ultimate prize, but don’t give it all up at once.

I’ll say the same thing I said to my sulking friend: one day, the man of your dreams might just sweep you off your feet for a luxurious life full of chirping birds and cheer. But until then, soak up the college campus sun and use these princess pointers.

­— espitzer@indiana.edu