Goodbye Washington

According to my timesheet, I’ve been sitting behind this black corner desk tapping away on my company-issued Dell desktop for more than 250 hours. During that time, I’ve created a sizable stack of Washington Posts that I’ve never read. I’ve successfully transferred at most twenty calls out of hundreds. I’ve consumed enough caffeine to make a meth junkie jealous. I’ve also learned how to doze while still clicking a mouse. I’ve written plenty of memos, but it still beats writing essays.

I’ve seen the old carpet replaced with a sleek new charcoal design to match the new black trim. I’ve seen the reception area get new black chairs and magazine covers be posted up on the walls with frames that are thick like hipster glasses. I’ve seen people talk around the new black water cooler and discovered it’s much less awkward than “The Office” would have you think.

I’ve learned that nothing brings an office together better than free food. I’ve been to an office holiday party, and they really are as funny as “The Office” would have you think.

I’ve walked past the Capitol building at least once a week, and each time it’s been as special as the first.

I’ve seen three congressional hearings and pretended to understand them by attentively nodding for C-SPAN. I’ve seen people that were worse at public speaking than I am testify before Congress. I’ve shared elevators with presidential candidates, and I’ve seen president builders such as Karl Rove trying to stay out of the rain like normal people. I’ve seen the secretaries of three major federal departments give
news-breaking speeches.

I’ve gotten lost in every House and Senate office building. I’ve been in bathrooms all over D.C., but none are as fancy as the granite walled thrones in the Hart Senate building. I’ve ridden the private underground subway from the House office buildings through the Capitol building to the Senate office buildings with a Secret Service agent who definitely knew I shouldn’t be there.

I’ve gotten lost walking to every single event I’ve ever attended, yet I’ve never been late. I’ve still not learned how to tip cab drivers correctly.

I’ve made minimal efforts to network at policy summits, but when I have, I’ve learned even old timers still want to be regarded as “cool.”

I’ve talked to lobbyists whose special interest was protecting you and I, and I’ve talked to lobbyists in pinstripe suits who’d make Aaron Eckhart proud.

I’ve been a member of a studio audience, and I swear to God I saw Paul Krugman looking just as bored as I was. I’ve seen nationally-known network and cable news correspondents frequently being fair and balanced.

I have been working with some great people this semester, and I hope I haven’t annoyed them too much. I can honestly say I’m going to miss the District even though I can’t wait to get back home to Bloomington. I’ve been an unpaid Washington, D.C., intern for three months like thousands before me.

And now it’s over.


E-mail: nicjacob@indiana.edu