Finding support in the GLBT community

The death of a college student with a promising future is always a tragic event. It leaves us all feeling vulnerable.

When that death is a suicide, the sadness and despair one feels is often compounded by a sense of guilt. And when a suicide is the result of an act of harassment, or at the very least, an act of stupidity, the reaction is one of outrage.

Such was the response to the death of Tyler Clementi, an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers University who jumped off a bridge to his death last week because his roommate secretly filmed Tyler expressing his sexuality with another man and posted it on the internet.

The response from the media, gay activists and university officials around the country was immediate — calls for action were the order of the day.

Our own Dean of Students, Pete Goldsmith, in an e-mail exchange with colleagues in the Division of Student Affairs here at Indiana University, asked the question: “Are we doing enough to support the Tylers of the world?” My answer would be probably not.

Here at IU, we are proud of the various services that the campus provides for its students, including those who identify as gay or lesbian, bisexual or transgender. But are we doing enough?

And what about the dozens of other students who get harassed regularly and whose death, depression or drop-out rate goes unnoticed — even on our campus?

It is important for IU students to know that there IS a Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Office on this campus that provides support and information on issues of sexual orientation and gender identity, and there is a GLBT Anti-Harassment Team based in the Office of Student Ethics that provides support, meditation and intervention when a student experiences arassment or discrimination.

There are also social/support groups on this campus and many other resources which one can find by logging in at www.indiana.edu/~glbt.

That, of course is a start, but one small office on this campus cannot, in and of itself, deal with the debilitating impact which homophobia has on all of us.

And, so, what can we learn from the most recent tragedy that involves a gay student on a campus far from IU? I would suggest, at least, three lessons.

One — Invading people’s privacy is a serious issue, and in fact, can be a crime. If you’re thinking of doing something that might be interpreted as such an invasion, (and the internet is a tempting tool to use these days) you might want to think twice. How would YOU feel if someone invaded your private life in such a manner?

Two — Jokes are not an excuse for stupidity. In dealing with dozens of situations over the years with the GLBT Anti-Harassment Team, I can tell you many students who get caught perpetuating some act of harassment are often quick to respond: “It was just a joke!” People who hear put-downs (That’s So gay!) and who face discrimination and who, on occasion, experience violence because of who they are, don’t usually find such actions funny.

Three — Being gay is one of life’s dynamics. It’s part of some people’s identity.

And despite what some laws or some politicians or some so-called religious leaders say about the issue, it is simply a fact of life for a percentage of the population and should be valued just like other aspects of a person’s identity.

The most important lesson to learn from this tragedy, it seems to me, is something many of us were taught as children in our own families or faith communities. It’s the lesson of doing unto others what you would have them do to you (or in some cases, not doing to others what you would not want them to do to you).

Ultimately, it’s about being sensitive to other people and taking responsibility for your own actions. It’s about growing up. It seems to me that college is a good place to do that.