A choice it is not

The GLBT flag includes the seven colors of the rainbow.

The purple stripe, specifically symbolizes “spirit.”

In light of the recent and quick succession of suicides by young gay teens around the nation, Facebook events, Twitter trends and Tumblr blogs informed any and every one to wear purple to celebrate and honor these lives and to help those who struggle see they aren’t alone in the world.

Oct. 20 was be a day to be out and proud, encouraging open-mindedness and understanding.

There was hope by gays, straights and in-betweens that this effort would show strength and the willingness to stand up against bigotry and hatred.

On that Wednesday morning, I explained this in short words on my door’s dry erase board, closing with the words “It is not a choice,” a standing mantra within the GLBT community. I left to start the day, excited to see if the turnout on my own campus would be a big one.

Within the first 15 minutes of my morning, I went from having butterflies in my stomach and a smile on my face to my blood boiling in rage.

Wearing my purple sweater and “Out and Proud” button, I went to grab a cup of coffee before class.

As soon as I entered Wright Quadrangle’s food court, I ran into a man with a long purple trench coat.

He smiled. “Go ‘head, girl,” he told me before taking off.

My heart was leaping at the encounter as I joined another man and an older woman making their coffee. I listened and watched as the man handed her the coffee he was using. The woman gave him a very sincere “Thank you.”

When I handed her the creamer, I expected the same gratitude she’d given him, but she only stared at my rainbow colored button with apprehension, looked into my eyes with something that resembled shame, took the creamer from my hand and moved away from me.

I was dumbfounded, even though I fully expected to meet this opposition at some point during the day. It’s unwise to stand up for something defined as “abnormal” in our society and not be prepared to face adversity.

Maybe it was the early morning that made me a bit overly sensitive as I shook my head and walked to class with the woman on my mind.

But the day became better as quickly as I hoped it would.

While I couldn’t be sure that all those students and professors wearing purple were specific to my same movement, I walked past plenty of purple outfits, ranging from a guy in a subtle purple T-shirt, to one girl with tennis shoes, shoe strings, skinny jeans, long-sleeve shirt, and earrings, all in different shades of purple.

It was beautiful, and when it was time to go back to my dorm, I concluded that the day had been a success.

I guess I counted my chickens before they hatched.

When I got back to the door of my room, I found that my message board encouraging tolerance and insight had been swiped through with a hand.

To make matters worse, the mantra of “It is not a choice” had been changed it “It is a choice.”

I took my message board down, feeling defeated. Despite the beauty of most of my day, this single act was just as hurtful as the woman who looked me in the eyes and showed her disapproval.

As melodramatic as it might seem, the defeatist feeling that took over me as I erased the board made me think of the boys whose lives I’d been celebrating all day. If this made me want to curl up in a ball, I could somehow understand the feeling that raged through every single one of them as they were bullied.

The fact that some people would rather end their life than ignore what they feel inherently should be a message to anyone believing that sexual orientation is a choice. While I’m sure that nobody condones suicide when the going gets rough, it happens every day due to the lack of respect for someone’s identity.

I repeat: Identity.

Who we are inherently should never be brought into question as a choice. There is a laundry list of things that make up a person’s individuality, and I hope that it will soon include sexual orientation without causing a blink of an eye.


E-mail: aysymatz@indiana.edu